Mother's Intuition

So I think that Jakob might have yet another ear infection. He was in just last Tuesday for his recheck from the last infection and the Dr. said that it was totally cleared up and all was good. But now I am thinking that he might have the beginnings of another infection. He doesn’t have a fever, he tells me that his ears do not hurt, but there is something telling me that it just isn’t right. For me, it is all about his behaviour. Last night he was up a couple of times during the night just looking for some love, today during his nap he was up half way through crying and just needing some adjusting. And he is cranky. Everything is a big deal, nothing is easy going. That makes me think that something is off with him. I have been right before. The pediatrician was surprised a couple of infections ago when I told him that it was Jakes behaviour that made me think he had an ear infection. But I was right then, and maybe I am right now. I am going to see how he is in the morning and if he is still off or has had a bad night (getting up again), then I might have to have Jason take him in to get checked out. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be right about this. The last thing I want is Jakob to have another ear infection. It seems like he is always on antibiotics during the cold and ear infection season. It worries me. He is so close to being the age that he should be outgrowing ear infections. And the season is almost over as well. So, I hope that I am wrong. Maybe he is just in a mood, or having a bad couple of days. Maybe I am overreacting. Time to take the “sit back and observe” approach.

Smiles

Is it possible that the smiles he is making are real? Or is it just gas? I know that he is so young and that at 4 weeks it might just be gas, but I am going to hold onto the idea that they are real smiles. I like the idea that he recognizes me and knows my voice and touch and that when he is looking up into my face that he is smiling because he is happy. He is such a cutie. Jakob was a cutie too. I can remember looking down at Jakob and seeing the first smile he gave me. I cannot remember when that was though. I remember crying and calling everyone I knew to tell them that Jake had smiled at me. So now that Aiden is smiling at me I want to tell everyone all over again. He smiles at me when I pick him up out of his bed, and when I feed him. I think he even smiled at me today while I wiped his bum! He has such a sweet smile too, one of those beautiful smiles that makes his very blue eyes sparkle. It looks like his eyes might turn to be the bright brilliant blue that Jakob’s are. With that darker blue ring around them, and then that fantastic blue inside. I love it.

Off to the pediatrician tomorrow

Jakob is going in for an ear recheck tomorrow. I am really hoping that the infection has cleared up and that he doesn’t need any more meds or referral to an ENT. The idea of Jakob having to have surgery to put tubes in his ears terrifies me. Especially since he is so close to the age that he should be outgrowing these continuous ear infections. I understand that it is a standard and basic operation, but I can’t imagine my little man going under the knife! I have another question for Jakob’s pediatrician tomorrow. Jakob has gotten into the habit of hitting himself in the head. And I mean hard. He is smacking himself in the head and face, and today I watched him hit himself with a toy. I have tried to tell him not to do that, and tried to get him to talk about it or tell me why he was doing it. Sometimes he laughs as if it is funny, sometimes he gets quiet and sullen and pouts, but never really tells me why he is doing it. It is one of those strange behaviours that drives me nuts. When he was younger it was the rocking in his highchair. I don’t know why but it made me crazy, totally and utterly crazy! If anyone has any idea why he might be doing this I would greatly appreciate it. It is probably just a phase and he will outgrow it or it will lose its “excitement” eventually. And the more attention I draw to it the more he will continue to do it. Ahh…the dilemmas of parenting.

Oh the joys of parenting

Oh my, what a “bad mommy day” I am having today. I don’t know why but everything is setting me off today. Jake is just being himself – though he is in the middle of a phase where he pushes buttons, my buttons. It bothers me to no end when he teases and taunts the dog. Poor Toby puts up with so much from Jakob, he pulls on her, pushes her, climbs all over her, and she just puts up with it. But then she hits her breaking point, as we all do, and will gum at him and give a little low growl. I know she would never hurt the boys, it is just her way of giving a warning that she is getting to her breaking point. At that point she wants to be let out on the porch or gated in the kitchen where Jake can’t get near her. Ok, back to today. I lost it several times with Jake. I hate raising my voice to him. I have sworn over and over again that I wouldn’t be “that” kind of mother. I want to be the kind that talks things out with their children and uses gentle tones and doesn’t snap at her children. I don’t ever want my boys to be afraid of me or to cringe when I raise my voice. It breaks my heart when I catch myself raising my voice to Jake. And then I hate myself for the rest of the day, which makes me wish we could just start the day all over again. Today I tried to make up for fighting with him (yes I fought with my three year old son over a pb&j sandwich) by making cookies with him later in the day. He didn’t seem phased by what had occurred earlier in the day….or so I would like to think. We had a good afternoon. But maybe I just want to think that he wasn’t phased by it. In my mind I know that it has affected him. I see it when he raises his voice to me, or mimics my actions. This is not what I want. And know I need to make the changes to change things now. I need the patience to deal with things in a manner that is more in tune with the parenting I want to do with my boys and not fall into the pattern of losing my cool any more. I am learning the struggle of keeping the balance of giving the two boys both the attention they need at the same time. Today Jakob needed my attention while I was feeding a very fussy Aiden (I think he is having gas issues) and when I couldn’t give him what he needed he began to act out. Jake is a smart little man. So now the juggling act begins. Working on being able to “do it all”. My goal is to teach Jakob more patience than he currently has. I know he gets that from his dad – Jason needs to work on his patience too. But if I can be creative and work on distracting Jakob until I can get to him and get to his needs then maybe he can learn to be patient while I am caring for or have my hands full with Aiden. Anyone have any tips on that??

An Aiden Update

Thank goodness Aiden’s acne is almost gone. My cutie patootie is almost back to normal. I know it can come back, and that will be ok if it does. But I’ll hope everyday that it doesn’t. Jason and I were talking today about how cute Aiden is (of course), and I made the comment of how amazing it is that the same sets of genes can create two quite different looking babies. I was looking at pics of Jake when he was born and those first few weeks and they look so different. At least to me they do. They look different, sound different, little things make them cranky differently, they sleep differently. I love it. It is a whole new and exciting adventure with this little man. I am so excited about it too. We are starting to get to know each other and even though he is only just over two weeks he seems to have a bit of a routine down. Aiden is still only getting up twice a night. I almost look forward to it. And I stress the almost – I do love my sleep. But Aiden is so sweet in the middle of the night. Once I get past the squeaking and squawking while I change his little butt, then comes the snuggle time. Aiden likes to hold my hand while I feed him. He puts his little hand on mine as I hold the bottle. Sometimes he coos as he drinks, but most of the time he just guzzles it. Then all I do is try to get him to go back to sleep. Which he usually has no trouble doing, just a quick re-swaddle and a little rocking and then back in his bed. But then we have the times when he decides he wants to stay awake and gaze into my eyes whilst squeaking and holding hands. Even though I am losing out on sleep during those times, I love it, just him and me and the “soft” snoring of Jason and the dog. The bonding time, that’s what I call it. He and I are becoming good friends. I have been doing my best to keep Jakob and his germs away from Aiden. So far, so good. Jakob has been getting better. His tuberculosis cough is almost gone and the antibiotics should be just about done taking care of his ear infection. I really wish that I could get him to be consistent in covering his mouth when he coughs. I am getting super tired of telling him to cover his mouth!

Infection Control

How do you keep a sick toddler from sneezing and coughing all over their little newborn brother? Jakob is sick again. His cough is loud and chunky, he has an ear infection in one ear (thank goodness it isn’t a double again), and now the nose is running too! And for the life of me I cannot get him to cover his mouth while he coughs. Oh, and did I mention the diarrhea that he has from the antibiotics? Yuck. Jakob is still loving being a big brother. He wants to say good morning and check on him, he is singing to Aiden throughout the day, he tells me when he cries and that he is hungry, and he gives Aiden a kiss on the head when he goes to sleep at night. It is adorable, don’t get me wrong, but right now I wish I could put Aiden in a bubble and keep him away from Jakob’s evil germs! I really don’t want Aiden to get this cold. It would not be pretty! Aiden has his own issues right now too. Along with the baby acne, he has a goopy eye. The Dr. says it might be a blocked tear duct and we are applying an antibiotic cream into his little eye three times a day. It seems to irritate him quite a bit too. It waters for a long time afterwards. Poor little man.

Where oh where has my little cutie gone??

My baby boy has turned into a teenager going through puberty!! What is it about this thing called “baby acne” that makes me so crazy?!?! I hate it. Aiden is breaking out all over his face. He has a red strip across his cheeks and his forehead changes from bumpy to dry and flaky. And I hate that there is nothing I can do but wait. Arg! Of course as a mom I can look past it and still see my beautiful baby but it bugs the heck out of me. Superficial I know, I just want my cutie patootie back. Jakob had some acne after a couple of weeks too, but not as bad as Aiden’s. I am trying my best to remember how long it lasts. Anyone remember? It wont be soon enough as far as I am concerned. Hey, maybe we need to invent some “Clearasil for babies”. Anybody related to a chemist? We could make a fortune!