Oh the joys of parenting

Oh my, what a “bad mommy day” I am having today. I don’t know why but everything is setting me off today. Jake is just being himself – though he is in the middle of a phase where he pushes buttons, my buttons. It bothers me to no end when he teases and taunts the dog. Poor Toby puts up with so much from Jakob, he pulls on her, pushes her, climbs all over her, and she just puts up with it. But then she hits her breaking point, as we all do, and will gum at him and give a little low growl. I know she would never hurt the boys, it is just her way of giving a warning that she is getting to her breaking point. At that point she wants to be let out on the porch or gated in the kitchen where Jake can’t get near her. Ok, back to today. I lost it several times with Jake. I hate raising my voice to him. I have sworn over and over again that I wouldn’t be “that” kind of mother. I want to be the kind that talks things out with their children and uses gentle tones and doesn’t snap at her children. I don’t ever want my boys to be afraid of me or to cringe when I raise my voice. It breaks my heart when I catch myself raising my voice to Jake. And then I hate myself for the rest of the day, which makes me wish we could just start the day all over again. Today I tried to make up for fighting with him (yes I fought with my three year old son over a pb&j sandwich) by making cookies with him later in the day. He didn’t seem phased by what had occurred earlier in the day….or so I would like to think. We had a good afternoon. But maybe I just want to think that he wasn’t phased by it. In my mind I know that it has affected him. I see it when he raises his voice to me, or mimics my actions. This is not what I want. And know I need to make the changes to change things now. I need the patience to deal with things in a manner that is more in tune with the parenting I want to do with my boys and not fall into the pattern of losing my cool any more. I am learning the struggle of keeping the balance of giving the two boys both the attention they need at the same time. Today Jakob needed my attention while I was feeding a very fussy Aiden (I think he is having gas issues) and when I couldn’t give him what he needed he began to act out. Jake is a smart little man. So now the juggling act begins. Working on being able to “do it all”. My goal is to teach Jakob more patience than he currently has. I know he gets that from his dad – Jason needs to work on his patience too. But if I can be creative and work on distracting Jakob until I can get to him and get to his needs then maybe he can learn to be patient while I am caring for or have my hands full with Aiden. Anyone have any tips on that??