Tattoos - Mom, Don't read this one!

I am addicted to tattoo shows. I love watching LA Ink and Miami Ink. It inspires me. I love the colours and the artwork. And it makes me want more tattoos. I really want something to represent the “boys” in my life. I was thinking of some flowers representing them – one from each of their birth months. I was also going to include the flower for the month of June for my father, Herb. And that way I would be able to include him – I miss him everyday. Ok – so my other idea for a new tattoo is a pin-up style Hockey Mom. I always new I wanted to be a mother and I knew I wanted a boy. And now that I have my two boys I see myself as a “sports mom” in the future. And people have thought soccer mom in the mini van. I see myself as a hockey mom. Being Canadian, hockey is in my blood. And I would love to be getting up for five am practices to see my boys play the best sport ever! So that is what I am thinking about getting. And I know that if my mother is reading this she is cringing and picking up the phone to tell me I am crazy and or and idiot. But I love my tattoos. I love Jason’s tattoos. I think they are very beautiful and artistic. I don’t feel all the negative ideas about tattoos that my mother has, I feel that my generation is more accepting to tattoos. And I am not about to put it in a place that cannot be covered up. So now the only thing to figure out is where to have it done and who will do it. I would love to be able to go to LA and have Hannah do it for me. She is incredible and the pin-ups that I have seen her do on tv have been incredible. That would be so awesome.

Tubes

I think that maybe it may be time to consider putting tubes in Jakob’s ears for the rest of this season. I was hoping that we might be able to make it to the end of this “ear infection season” without another round but it doesn’t look that way. Jakob began to complain about his ears again over the weekend. He didn’t have a fever to speak of, but he was sure that something was bothering him. We went to the pediatrician this morning and he has the beginnings of an infection in his right ear. We debated waiting it out to see if it went full blown or to start antibiotics now. I figured from past infections that the wait and see approach wouldn’t work for us. We would be back there in a day or two when it got worse and then have to start the antibiotics later. I didn’t see any reason to wait – I didn’t want Jakob to be in any pain. And this way he will have a couple of days of antibiotics in his system and there will be no reason for him not to be able to go to “school”. Whooo hoo for me. I know that sounds terrible, but I really have been enjoying my days with Aiden. Not feeling guilty for holding him for hours on end and snuggling on the couch. It is so hard when Jake wants my attention and Aiden is demanding to be held or fed. So those eight hours that Jake is at school I can hang out with Aiden and run any errands that I need to run toddler free. The bonus is that Jakob loves going to school. He asks about it everyday – and is super excited when he wakes up and we tell him it’s a school day. I wish we could do more than just one day a week. Once he turns three he will be going twice a week – so until then he will just have to count the days til it’s Thursday.

My name is....

Jakob is adorable. He has learned his last name and is very proud of himself. We asked him what his name is and he said “Jakob S.” and then when we asked him who we were he responded with Daddy S. and Momma S.. And then continued with Aiden S. and Toby S. (our dog!!). It was super cute. I am happy that he can tell someone his full name if asked. I worry that if he gets lost or takes off that when someone asks him his name he wouldn’t be able to tell them his full name. But now he’s got it!! Whoo hooo! I love seeing him when he finally understands something and becomes so proud of himself. His eyes light up and the smile spreads across his face and it’s great to see that. It is also fun to see Jason get that “proud papa” look on his face. Jason is really enjoying Jakob these days. Jakob and Jason have some great conversations and are really bonding over certain activities. I know that Jason bought Jakob’s Hotwheels for Christmas more for himself than for Jakob. They are a bit old for Jakob, and a bit young for Jason. But when they play with them together there is a bond between them that is so obvious. Boys and their cars. Something I will never be able to understand or intrude on.

Damn Tomatoes

So I think that tomatoes have been the culprit of my allergies. After not having them for weeks, we had a frozen pizza for dinner and within an hour my lips were itching. No swelling, thank goodness, but the outside of my mouth is itchy. Jason made me take some Zyrtec right away. I am still itchy but not too worried about it. I am glad that I think I have found out what was making me have such a bad reaction. Though I don’t remember eating a lot of tomatoes or tomato sauce when this whole hives and allergic reactions business. Hmmm…. No more spaghetti sauce? Pizza? I hope this is a fluke thing and that it goes away. I have reintroduced all the other things that the Dr. had me remove from my diet, tomatoes were the last to be tested. So I guess for now I have an answer. I am going to wait a week or so and then try it again. And hope for the best.

Let me put you down!!

Aiden loves to be held. Especially when he is sleeping. He loves to cuddle. And so do I. I just don’t have the time to hold him all day. I want to be able to put him down for a nap and spend some time on other things. To be able to play with Jakob and not have to have Aiden in my arms would be nice. Jakob has been really patient. He has his moments, but for the most part he has been a really good big brother and waits til I am done with Aiden, whatever I am doing; changing a diaper, giving a bottle, or just getting him to settle down. Aiden is going to be a month old tomorrow. I cannot believe it. Time flies. It has been such a busy month too. With the holidays, and getting Aiden out and about, and this past week it seemed like we had something going on every day. There were appointments, having lunch with Daddy, playdates; we were busy bees. But it was great for Jakob. He got to see friends and have fun. It’s so important for him to get out and about as much as possible. He is so high energy and hates to be at home all day. So the idea of him possibly being sick again and having to be at home without seeing friends is torture. After a couple of days in the house he is an absolute pill. Anyway – back to Aiden. I can’t wait til we set a bit of a schedule of naps and work on getting him to take his naps in his bed or at least in the swing. I need him to get a little older to be able to get him into some kind of groove. I guess until then I will savour the moments that I get to cuddle with my little man and enjoy every minute of it. The time will fly by and then I will be complaining that he doesn’t want to cuddle with me at all.

Mother's Intuition

So I think that Jakob might have yet another ear infection. He was in just last Tuesday for his recheck from the last infection and the Dr. said that it was totally cleared up and all was good. But now I am thinking that he might have the beginnings of another infection. He doesn’t have a fever, he tells me that his ears do not hurt, but there is something telling me that it just isn’t right. For me, it is all about his behaviour. Last night he was up a couple of times during the night just looking for some love, today during his nap he was up half way through crying and just needing some adjusting. And he is cranky. Everything is a big deal, nothing is easy going. That makes me think that something is off with him. I have been right before. The pediatrician was surprised a couple of infections ago when I told him that it was Jakes behaviour that made me think he had an ear infection. But I was right then, and maybe I am right now. I am going to see how he is in the morning and if he is still off or has had a bad night (getting up again), then I might have to have Jason take him in to get checked out. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be right about this. The last thing I want is Jakob to have another ear infection. It seems like he is always on antibiotics during the cold and ear infection season. It worries me. He is so close to being the age that he should be outgrowing ear infections. And the season is almost over as well. So, I hope that I am wrong. Maybe he is just in a mood, or having a bad couple of days. Maybe I am overreacting. Time to take the “sit back and observe” approach.

Smiles

Is it possible that the smiles he is making are real? Or is it just gas? I know that he is so young and that at 4 weeks it might just be gas, but I am going to hold onto the idea that they are real smiles. I like the idea that he recognizes me and knows my voice and touch and that when he is looking up into my face that he is smiling because he is happy. He is such a cutie. Jakob was a cutie too. I can remember looking down at Jakob and seeing the first smile he gave me. I cannot remember when that was though. I remember crying and calling everyone I knew to tell them that Jake had smiled at me. So now that Aiden is smiling at me I want to tell everyone all over again. He smiles at me when I pick him up out of his bed, and when I feed him. I think he even smiled at me today while I wiped his bum! He has such a sweet smile too, one of those beautiful smiles that makes his very blue eyes sparkle. It looks like his eyes might turn to be the bright brilliant blue that Jakob’s are. With that darker blue ring around them, and then that fantastic blue inside. I love it.

Off to the pediatrician tomorrow

Jakob is going in for an ear recheck tomorrow. I am really hoping that the infection has cleared up and that he doesn’t need any more meds or referral to an ENT. The idea of Jakob having to have surgery to put tubes in his ears terrifies me. Especially since he is so close to the age that he should be outgrowing these continuous ear infections. I understand that it is a standard and basic operation, but I can’t imagine my little man going under the knife! I have another question for Jakob’s pediatrician tomorrow. Jakob has gotten into the habit of hitting himself in the head. And I mean hard. He is smacking himself in the head and face, and today I watched him hit himself with a toy. I have tried to tell him not to do that, and tried to get him to talk about it or tell me why he was doing it. Sometimes he laughs as if it is funny, sometimes he gets quiet and sullen and pouts, but never really tells me why he is doing it. It is one of those strange behaviours that drives me nuts. When he was younger it was the rocking in his highchair. I don’t know why but it made me crazy, totally and utterly crazy! If anyone has any idea why he might be doing this I would greatly appreciate it. It is probably just a phase and he will outgrow it or it will lose its “excitement” eventually. And the more attention I draw to it the more he will continue to do it. Ahh…the dilemmas of parenting.

Oh the joys of parenting

Oh my, what a “bad mommy day” I am having today. I don’t know why but everything is setting me off today. Jake is just being himself – though he is in the middle of a phase where he pushes buttons, my buttons. It bothers me to no end when he teases and taunts the dog. Poor Toby puts up with so much from Jakob, he pulls on her, pushes her, climbs all over her, and she just puts up with it. But then she hits her breaking point, as we all do, and will gum at him and give a little low growl. I know she would never hurt the boys, it is just her way of giving a warning that she is getting to her breaking point. At that point she wants to be let out on the porch or gated in the kitchen where Jake can’t get near her. Ok, back to today. I lost it several times with Jake. I hate raising my voice to him. I have sworn over and over again that I wouldn’t be “that” kind of mother. I want to be the kind that talks things out with their children and uses gentle tones and doesn’t snap at her children. I don’t ever want my boys to be afraid of me or to cringe when I raise my voice. It breaks my heart when I catch myself raising my voice to Jake. And then I hate myself for the rest of the day, which makes me wish we could just start the day all over again. Today I tried to make up for fighting with him (yes I fought with my three year old son over a pb&j sandwich) by making cookies with him later in the day. He didn’t seem phased by what had occurred earlier in the day….or so I would like to think. We had a good afternoon. But maybe I just want to think that he wasn’t phased by it. In my mind I know that it has affected him. I see it when he raises his voice to me, or mimics my actions. This is not what I want. And know I need to make the changes to change things now. I need the patience to deal with things in a manner that is more in tune with the parenting I want to do with my boys and not fall into the pattern of losing my cool any more. I am learning the struggle of keeping the balance of giving the two boys both the attention they need at the same time. Today Jakob needed my attention while I was feeding a very fussy Aiden (I think he is having gas issues) and when I couldn’t give him what he needed he began to act out. Jake is a smart little man. So now the juggling act begins. Working on being able to “do it all”. My goal is to teach Jakob more patience than he currently has. I know he gets that from his dad – Jason needs to work on his patience too. But if I can be creative and work on distracting Jakob until I can get to him and get to his needs then maybe he can learn to be patient while I am caring for or have my hands full with Aiden. Anyone have any tips on that??

An Aiden Update

Thank goodness Aiden’s acne is almost gone. My cutie patootie is almost back to normal. I know it can come back, and that will be ok if it does. But I’ll hope everyday that it doesn’t. Jason and I were talking today about how cute Aiden is (of course), and I made the comment of how amazing it is that the same sets of genes can create two quite different looking babies. I was looking at pics of Jake when he was born and those first few weeks and they look so different. At least to me they do. They look different, sound different, little things make them cranky differently, they sleep differently. I love it. It is a whole new and exciting adventure with this little man. I am so excited about it too. We are starting to get to know each other and even though he is only just over two weeks he seems to have a bit of a routine down. Aiden is still only getting up twice a night. I almost look forward to it. And I stress the almost – I do love my sleep. But Aiden is so sweet in the middle of the night. Once I get past the squeaking and squawking while I change his little butt, then comes the snuggle time. Aiden likes to hold my hand while I feed him. He puts his little hand on mine as I hold the bottle. Sometimes he coos as he drinks, but most of the time he just guzzles it. Then all I do is try to get him to go back to sleep. Which he usually has no trouble doing, just a quick re-swaddle and a little rocking and then back in his bed. But then we have the times when he decides he wants to stay awake and gaze into my eyes whilst squeaking and holding hands. Even though I am losing out on sleep during those times, I love it, just him and me and the “soft” snoring of Jason and the dog. The bonding time, that’s what I call it. He and I are becoming good friends. I have been doing my best to keep Jakob and his germs away from Aiden. So far, so good. Jakob has been getting better. His tuberculosis cough is almost gone and the antibiotics should be just about done taking care of his ear infection. I really wish that I could get him to be consistent in covering his mouth when he coughs. I am getting super tired of telling him to cover his mouth!

Infection Control

How do you keep a sick toddler from sneezing and coughing all over their little newborn brother? Jakob is sick again. His cough is loud and chunky, he has an ear infection in one ear (thank goodness it isn’t a double again), and now the nose is running too! And for the life of me I cannot get him to cover his mouth while he coughs. Oh, and did I mention the diarrhea that he has from the antibiotics? Yuck. Jakob is still loving being a big brother. He wants to say good morning and check on him, he is singing to Aiden throughout the day, he tells me when he cries and that he is hungry, and he gives Aiden a kiss on the head when he goes to sleep at night. It is adorable, don’t get me wrong, but right now I wish I could put Aiden in a bubble and keep him away from Jakob’s evil germs! I really don’t want Aiden to get this cold. It would not be pretty! Aiden has his own issues right now too. Along with the baby acne, he has a goopy eye. The Dr. says it might be a blocked tear duct and we are applying an antibiotic cream into his little eye three times a day. It seems to irritate him quite a bit too. It waters for a long time afterwards. Poor little man.

Where oh where has my little cutie gone??

My baby boy has turned into a teenager going through puberty!! What is it about this thing called “baby acne” that makes me so crazy?!?! I hate it. Aiden is breaking out all over his face. He has a red strip across his cheeks and his forehead changes from bumpy to dry and flaky. And I hate that there is nothing I can do but wait. Arg! Of course as a mom I can look past it and still see my beautiful baby but it bugs the heck out of me. Superficial I know, I just want my cutie patootie back. Jakob had some acne after a couple of weeks too, but not as bad as Aiden’s. I am trying my best to remember how long it lasts. Anyone remember? It wont be soon enough as far as I am concerned. Hey, maybe we need to invent some “Clearasil for babies”. Anybody related to a chemist? We could make a fortune!

There's a Mouse in the House.

We thought there was a mouse in our house. But upon further investigation we realized it was just Aiden! He squeaks, a lot. He doesn’t really cry that much, just when he is hungry and I decide to change his bottom first. So most of the time the little noises he makes are squeaks and grunts. When he was first born he did it all the time. So when we were talking about it the nickname of mouse came up. Jakob was always our little bean, from the time we saw the little “bean” shape of him on the ultrasound. Any type of bean will do – jelly, butter, kidney, jumping, you name it. And the dog has always been called our monkey. So we figured we needed a nickname for Aiden. And the sounds he made helped us come up with Mouse. I’ll give credit to my MIL for that one. I have a good friend who calls her son “Goose”, and I love it. Little “R” responds to Goose like it is his middle name! I have told her how much I love it many times. Now I have my own little man with a nickname that I think is adorable.