Ouch!

Jakob's girlfriend broke her arm! Poor Natalie. Another child (read bad little boy) pushed her on a playground and she fell several feet to the ground on her side with her arm tucked the wrong way. From the report from her mother she was quite a trooper and enjoyed the ride in the ambulance. I think maybe Mom was having more trouble relaxing than Natalie! Which is totally understandable, I would be losing my mind. I was very impressed when Janine told me she held back on crying and held onto a brave face for Natalie. I would like to think that I would be able to do the same, but it would be so hard not to break down and cry along with Jake or Aiden! So for the next few days Natalie is sporting a splint to hold the arm in place (which took awhile for them to be able to do, and a couple rounds of knocking her out), and then she is getting her super cast! I forget what colour J said she wanted. But I am sure that it will be girly and covered in princess stickers in no time. I really hope that they are able to get a waterproof one so that our dates at the pool aren't minus one friend. We had such a good time last year at the pool all together and this year there are even more of us joining, so it is going to be a great time. Jakob was anxious to see Natalie over the weekend. We told him that she got hurt and his immediate reaction was to do something nice for her (I must be doing something right). So we decided to make her sugar cookies with M&M's in them, knowing that M&M's are her favourite treat. So that is what we did. Sorry - no pictures, all are eaten. Jakob did a great job turning on the mixer and then pushing the M&M's into the cookie before we baked them. It was two in the cookie, one in the mouth. He thought I wasn't watching and smiled with each one he "snuck". It was very cute. So then we hung out in the kitchen waiting for the timer to beep and tell us they were done. After they cooled we had to taste test them to make sure they were "giveable". They were yummy. So we packed some up (had to leave a few at home) and Jakob and Daddy took them over to Natalie. Unfortunately she was napping at the time, so they dropped them off and made plans to see Natalie soon. Soon came on Sunday night when we met up for ice cream. Jakob was a great kid all weekend and made several attempts at the potty, and even achieved a few pees and one poop. So we decided to go for ice cream after dinner and invite Natalie and family. They were able to meet us and we had a good time. We had warned Jakob about Natalie's arm and told him that he needed to be super gentle and not overly rambunctious with her. And he was. They sat together on the bench and shared their ice creams and when we were leaving he gave her a gentle hug and kiss goodbye. I was impressed by how easy going Natalie was with her splint and sling. She has adjusted well to having it. And she seemed rather pain free, thank goodness. So our best wishes and speedy recovery go out to Natalie. We can't wait to see you and play soon. You are such a trooper.

Surgery vs. Procedure

So I call Jakob having tubes put in his ears “surgery”, even though the ENT said that calling it surgery was a bit extreme. He would rather call it a “procedure”, since it takes such a short time to perform and they are just under via gas and not hooked up to anything, no IV. So I think that is what we might call it. I think it sounds much less ominous. Less frightening. For me. And right now that is important. Jakob will have no clue what is going on until the morning of. Which by the way will be next Tuesday. I was surprised that they were able to fit us in so soon. I am glad that we are getting it over with and behind us, but at the same time I really hope we are ready for it. It’s a big deal for us. So the count down is on… 6 days to go until no more ear infections and maybe clear up his hearing. Oh . . . almost forgot, when Jakob woke up from his nap he told me his ears hurt. This was after a 3 ½ hour nap!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

We have had a lot of rain the past week. And there is more to come. I love it. It has cooled things down and made for easier, more enjoyable sleeping. But the hassle of it is that it makes us homebound. And Jakob certainly doesn’t like to be homebound for too long. But he is checking out the rain with new curiosity. Wondering why it comes down so fast at times and then so slowly. What is thunder and lightening? He isn’t interested in the scientific explanations he wants fun ones. He wants to hear that the thunder is actually because the storm clouds are angry. I feel like Kathy Bates in Waterboy. Making up explanations that he likes to hear. Or that I make up because I don’t really know the right answer. I though I had some time, but I think I need to buy that book that is filled with 1001 answers to questions your kid will ask you.

Time Outs

The question of the day. We have done time outs for a long time. But I have always questioned whether or not they work. What is Jakob learning from it? Does it really make him not want to re-offend? I get frustrated doing time outs. Listening to him cry and scream uncontrollably makes it hard for me to think that he is learning anything from it, except that I leave him there to cry for several minutes and tell him he has to stay there until he stops crying. Which makes me feel even worse. Jakob is like me, like I use to be when I was little, I would cry and cry until I make myself sick. So does having him sit to the side out of sight screaming like that help him learn what he has done was wrong? Arg! What to do, what to do? Friends are going through the same thing. Starting time outs with Nathan. And wondering the same things – do they work? There are certain behaviours that Jakob has that have to change. I cannot take the hitting, the whining, the abuse of the dog, the throwing of toys, the not sharing, and of course the talking back. I have been trying my best to not lose my cool with him. It ‘s hard. I feel like I am trying to keep all my balls in the air and juggle the best I can. But there are times when I just don’t have it in me and I drop a few. And I feel like Jake is always feeling the brunt of it. So when it comes time to “punish” him, I feel bad/guilty. And I feel frustrated because the crimes are always the same. He doesn’t seem to be learning from them. So what do I do? How do I get him to understand what the time outs are for? Or is it time to take things away? Does he really love something enough to have it taken away? Besides the TV? And sometimes taking the TV away from him is just as much a punishment for me! Hate to admit it, but you know its true. I was reading my friend J’s blog today and stumbled across a posting that I missed from a few days ago. It spoke to me. I really don’t want Jakob and Aiden to be afraid of me. I don’t want them to learn by fear. I never want them to flinch or be scared of me. I want them to learn by love. So it is time to reset myself and get back to what I call “emotional parenting”. It is important for me to watch Jakob’s emotions and work off of them. It worked for me before. And then I got lazy. I got tired at the end of my pregnancy and then having two. Another day I will explain emotional parenting. I read a lot of parenting books. I really want to be the best parent I can, I want Jason and I to be the best parents we can be. On a side note about time outs – I put my friends little boy in time out today. I was watching Natalie and Nathan for a few hours and Nathan was out of control. He hits and throws to get attention from the older kids. Nat and Jake were ignoring him and he wanted to play with them. He hit a few times, got a few warnings, and then threw a couple of big cars at Jakob. So off to time out he went. He didn’t really understand what I was doing, it is new to him. He stayed on the mat for a few seconds and then toddled off. I put him back on a few times, and eventually he stayed there for his time and then said sorry to Jake. So maybe he did get it. Who knows… will we ever know if it works?

ENT Update

So we had our appointment with the ENT today. But we should start by mentioning that the day started super early – 5:45 am. I talked Jakob into taking some quiet time for another ½ hour, but it was still very early. I use to be such a morning person and since having the boys I move slower in the mornings. I can’t wait til Aiden is sleeping through the night on a regular basis and the boys start to enjoy their sleep as much as Jason and I do. But I digress … Our ENT appointment was at 8:30. So getting up and out of the house with both boys was a bit hurried. I was hoping that Jason was coming with me to help but he didn’t get going in time to be there. So off the three of us went to Yale. It was a short wait to get in to see the Dr., which was nice. So after checking out the ears, nose and throat, it was decided that Jakob would be a perfect candidate for tubes, but lets check his hearing first. So off to the waiting room we went, but just for a short while. The hearing test went well, he did a great job following instructions. He was really cute. But at the same time as he wanted me to hold his hand for the test, Aiden decided he wanted his bottle, so I was stretched out a little thin. The results of the hearing test were that he had a little bit of hearing loss in both ears, but that it might/should clear up / restore itself once the tubes are in, the fluid drains and the membrane thins out. Thank goodness. I was very sad to hear that he was having a slight loss. I felt like such a crappy Mom for not pushing for these sooner. I hope that it isn’t permanent – that would kill me. After the hearing test we went back in to see the Dr. who explained the procedure to me and answered my questions. So now we are waiting for the phone call from his office gal to book a day for the tube “procedure”. I am not as nervous about it any more. It sounds pretty simple and straight forward, and common. I am just worried about how Jake will respond to the anesthesia and how he will come out of it. Janine said that N was screaming and flailing like a banshee when he came too. She explained that it is that their ears feel SO different from when they went under and it freaks them out. I can’t wait to go for months on end and NOT have Jakob on antibiotics for an ear infection! I will be worried the day of the surgery and the day after, but it will all be worth it. And hopefully Jakob wont be too mad at us for putting him through this. More ENT updates to follow. Thank you for all the warm wishes and advice from all the Moms out there.

Happy Father's Day

I think that I made it a great day for Jason. We had a very good day. I got up with the boys early this morning, and let Jason sleep in. I went to go and make some coffee for us and found an empty tin! So I piled the two boys into the car and off to DD we went. When we got back we woke Daddy up and started to make breakfast. Jakob and I had planned to make pancakes, fresh strawberries, and whipped cream. YUM. So we had some breakfast together and then I sent Jakob and Jason to Bounce U to go and play. They spent an hour and a half bouncing, running, climbing, and having fun together. From what they both told me I think it sounds like they had a great bonding experience. They both came home tired and awfully sweaty – it was a humid, sticky day today. When they came home they both had a snack and then took a nap – Jake in his room and Jason in ours. I was hoping that Aiden would nap at the same time (since he didn’t have much of a morning nap), but no such luck. Aiden was awake for most of the quiet time in the house. Aiden then decided to conk out just as they other boys were waking up. We had plans with friends to go to the Irish Festival but then the rain started and there was no way we were going to schlep the kiddos out in the rain. So the plans changed to making dinner at our friend’s house and let the kids play. I decided that it was my turn to cook. So we stopped at the grocery store before heading over to get some ingredients. I decided to make grilled chicken, lemon pasta, and green beans with almonds. It turned out quite yummy. And was almost all core. And we added some chocolate pudding pie! Not all bad, sugar free – fat free. Low fat milk. Non fat whipped topping. Yum, yum, yum. The kids played well together. They had a good time. I like spending time together as families. It’s really nice. Jakob had a great time and was very sad to leave. As we drove away he was whispering “I lost my Natalie”. He hates to leave her. But I don’t think he was missing Nathan, as they had a couple of run ins tonight. But all in all they had a good night watching Peter Pan and the Muppets. Love the Muppets. Jakob gave a lot of good belly laughs at the Muppets. Father’s Day. It’s almost over. I am glad that Jason had a good night. And I don’t want to put a cloud over this message, or over the great day that we had, but I am sad that I don’t have anyone to call to thank for being my Dad. I was happy to have a short amount of quiet time today to just think about the happy times I have in my memories of Dad and Herb. They were both so different from on another, that’s for sure, but loved me. Arg! I don’t have the energy to get into it right now. Just leave it at this, I miss them and I wish they were still with me so that I could say “Thank you for being a great Dad”.Happy Father’s Day, Everyone!

I have a sneaking suspicion

I don’t have the diagnosis yet, but I would put money on it that when we go in Monday morning, they will tell me that his ear(s) are inflamed. He has been acting like he usually does when he has an earache – cranky, not eating, picky, whiny, etc. etc. Which to some sounds like just an ordinary toddler, but for Jakob it is over the top when he has an earache. I like that I have the motherhood “sixth sense” about his ears. But that should be expected since he just had his 14th! I can’t wait til Monday. I don’t hope I am right, just have a sneaky suspicion.

Meant to post this last night...

Tomorrow is Father’s Day. I would like to wish all the daddys out there a very happy father’s day. I have some plans for Jason and the boys tomorrow. Jakob and I are going to make Jason’s favourite breakfast, Pancakes! And then Jake and Jason are off to Bounce U to play for a couple of hours. Then home for lunch and a nap. In the afternoon we are off to the Irish festival with some friends. So we are hoping for a good day. I need to keep busy. I miss my dads every day of the year, but the day that is set aside to specifically celebrate them can be a hard one for me. So we will fill the day with fun and hope for the best.

Playgroup - FUN

I really look forward to getting together with the Mommy group. I like watching all the kids play together and have fun. Yesterday was a great playgroup, outside at Janine’s house. The kids were swinging, sliding, and running through the sprinkler. It was so much fun. The weather was perfect – hot, but not too hot, a nice breeze, and not too humid. The shade was over a good chunk of grass by the time the playgroup started so there was a nice place for the mom’s to hang out (and the newbies). And all the kids seemed to play quite well with each other. It’s always nice when they get along. Don’t get me wrong, there were some warnings and I believe an actual time out, but for such a large group it was pretty much argument free. I think that has to do a lot with being outside and there being more space. I think with our kids getting so big it sometimes seems like our houses get smaller. I have not hosted at our house. I feel bad that I haven’t, but my house is tiny compared to others, and with Toby I haven’t had the courage to have the group over. I have had a couple of the moms at a time over to the house, but not a full group. I have hosted outings instead. Anyways…. We had a great time. The cookies I brought with us were a hit. Which of course makes me happy. I get an ego boost when someone likes what I have baked/made. I know that is why I do it, I am a people pleaser and I like to be validated too. Does that make sense? Next weeks playgroup sounds like fun too. Sprinkler park. Fun, Fun, Fun.

The French Fry Look

Those of you who know Jason may have heard about the french fry look. This evening I saw Jakob’s girlfriend Natalie give him the french fry look. It was priceless. Let me explain the french fry look. Jason and I were having dinner at the Hard Rock Café in Korea a month or so before we started dating. It was so loud in there you couldn’t hear each other talk. We were out with two girls I worked with. The four of us were out passing notes on napkins since the music was so loud. I had ordered a pasta dish, can’t remember what it was, but it was yummy. Jason had ordered a burger and fries. The fries looked tasty. So… I helped myself to a fry off his plate without asking. Jason gave me this look of “how dare you” crossed with a look of death, which has now been named the french fry look. He denies that it was such a harsh look but it was so funny to see him react that way. And just like his mommy, Jakob was shocked at the reaction Natalie gave him when he helped himself to one of her McD’s fries. Again, priceless.

Well it's about time!

I have an appointment next Monday with a Ped ENT for Jakob. After 14 ear infections we are finally talking to an ENT about tubes. I have given in. And I have hit the wall. I was really hoping to avoid them when he first started to have ear infections. I wanted him to be the kid that grew out of them and didn’t have to have tubes. Surgery on my little boy was not something that I wanted to happen. And then I waited and waited as the Dr. told me that he was going to be growing out of them as he reached three years of age. But we are on infection number four or five for this year alone! So that wall has been hit. I am done waiting. And now we have the referral needed from the insurance company and the appointment is booked. I am so happy. I know that he will probably be booking Jakob in for tubes and that still makes me sad. Though the risks of letting him continue to get infections out weighs my worries of surgery. Now we just have to assure my husband that it isn’t as big a deal as he thinks. And that doing them now will be better then him having hearing loss later in life or having to get them re-done over and over again. Stay tuned for the ear updates to follow.

too full a day

I packed too much into one day. Too many appointments. The day began at 5:30 am when Aiden decided he was very hungry. He slept through til then, but it was still pretty early. Jake heard the commotion and decided to get in on the action. But you know since the alarm was set for 6, it really wasn’t a big deal. So we rushed around to get out of the house by 7, dropped the boys off with Jason at his office by 7:30 and to my physical therapy appointment by 7:45 am. Then we had a lot of time to kill before gymnastics so we drove around a little until Aiden crashed, and then we sat in the car and watched Toy Story! So then at gymnastics Jakob had a meltdown just as they were letting us in to take pictures. We have been banned from taking pictures for the whole session. And this was the week that they were finally letting us in! He wanted to get a drink from the fountain. Which, to me, didn’t seem like such a horrible request but they said no. So I took him out to the observation room and gave him his water cup. After he had his drink I tried to get him back into the room to show me what he has learned so that I could get some good shots of him. Need those shots for the scrapbook, ya know! But he totally wasn’t having it. They tried to coax him to perform but I finally asked them not to and to just let it go. You can’t push him to do something that he doesn’t want to. Within reason. He just needed to time to calm down. And I realized that there are just times in parenting when you have to let it go. You have to let go of your own expectations of what is going to happen and to go with the flow. Be flexible and assess the situation and be prepared to adapt to whatever the wind brings. So we packed it in and headed home. We needed to get home and take a nap right away anyways. So off we went. Jakob was able to nap from 12 to 1:15! A short nap for him, but I didn’t have a choice. We needed to be out the door by 1:30 to get to my appointment in time. Yes, another appointment. Jason was meeting me at Yale for my ENT appointment for my vertigo. The vertigo that had been around for 3 months and then disappeared yesterday! So the Dr. didn’t have anything to look at and diagnose. What a pain in the a**! I was really annoyed. But now we have a bit of a baseline and “relationship”, so if and when it comes back we can have something to go on. During my appointment I could hear Jakob losing it in the waiting room with Jason. It was so sad. I felt bad that he had really been dragged around all day and on such a hot day. In and out of a hot car, and just as it would cool down we would get to where we were going! Poor thing. So when we finally got home from all our outings we sat down and had some Popsicles in front of the air conditioner! He loved it. And the rest of our night went well, and at a much slower pace! Tomorrow we are going to take things slow and not rush anywhere. We’ll get there when we get there.

J-E-L-L-O

Apparently there IS always room for Jello! My son ate and entire thing of Jello. Yesterday I made Jello for Jake and his friends, but we ended up going for ice cream instead. So there was Jello in the fridge. After he inhaled his dinner of Kraft Dinner (yes, I am Canadian!) and hot dog, he announced he wanted something more. So I offered up a bowl of Jello. So one bowl turned into two bowls, which turned into a third and fourth bowl, and then it was all gone! I thought about stopping him after that second bowl, but then thought “what’s the big deal?”, it was sugar free Jello, so I let him eat it all. And he loved it. The dog didn’t though, Jakob dropped some on the floor and Toby went to investigate and just left it there. I thought our canine trash compactor ate everything, but today I was proven wrong. My doggie doesn’t like Jello. More for Jakob.

Jakob as an Adjuma (korean little old lady)

I thought this was the funniest! I was shocked that he left it on to take some good pictures. He really is a ham. Takes after me, or so my Mother tells me. Me, dramatic? Never!!!

Pictures?

Ok, lets see if I can figure this out..... WHOO HOOOO!! Pictures!! Ok - now isn't he just the cutest little man you ever did see? 5 1/2 months!

New Layout!

Trying out a new layout. Please let me know what you think. I was thinking that the old layout was a little boring and not quite me. I am not sure that this is it either, but it has more colour, which is more like me. Cool eh? Just have to figure out what is wrong with my links so that I can put on some pictures. Hmmmm... Bess, maybe you can help me out?

Mom's Night Out

Thank goodness for MNO’s. They are such a necessity. And thank goodness for good friends to have them with. Last night was so much fun. Dinner wasn’t the greatest. The drinks were wonderful. And the movie was everything I was hoping for. This was a big group of us. We talked, we laughed, we made fun of each other, we played an awesome prank on J. It was the best MNO yet (that I have attended). I think I really need to make more of an effort to make these events. It was just what I needed. Jakob has another ear infection and pink eye, so you can imagine how much I needed the break. And Aiden is teething again – those top two are thinking about making a permanent appearance. The day just kept getting more and more stressful. Which is why those two cosmopolitans went down so easily – though not quick enough for Janine, who kept asking me if I need a straw! The movie, oh the movie, I have been a big SATC fan, and was so excited to see the movie. I am glad that I got to see it on the big screen, and that I got a chance to see it with my great friends. I watched scenes of it and it made me think about the relationships I have with the friends I have made here. And the friends that I use to have in Toronto. There was five of us in TO, not four. But we all had our specific roles, just like Carrie and friends. I am not sure who I was out of the group - probably a mix of Carrie, Miranda, and Samantha, but definitely no Charlotte. I miss those girls. But that is another very long story.

Hot, Hot, and Hotter!

It is getting awfully warm in here. It is very warm here today. And the house got warmer as the day progressed. Jason didn’t get home from work til about 4 and it was then that he was able to get into the storage and pull out the fans. It is still too soon for the air conditioner (maybe!), so for now we will survive with fans in the rooms. But I really don’t see that being enough for long. Jakob is a hot number, and Aiden gets super hot when he is upset or feeding. He gets all hot and clammy. Which of course does not make for a happy baby, or Mommy. So those air conditioners might make it into the windows sooner than we would like. Just wish comfort wasn’t so costly. I can think of many other things I would like to spend our money on, but then again, comfort is worth it. Every chilly penny.

To the Moon and Back

I love my boys. No doubt about it. And I make sure that they know it. I will continue to tell them every chance I get for the rest of their lives. Most conversations about my loving them goes a lil’ something like this… Me: “I love you.” Jakob: “ I love you, too” Me: “How much?” Jakob (With arms spread wide): “ This much!” Me: “And how much do I love you?” Jakob: “To the moon and back.” Me: “That’s right, baby. You know it!” This happens a couple of times a day. And he always seems to be excited about it. It has become a ritual for us. One that I will be continuing for the rest of their lives. It is these little rituals and memories that I want my boys to have growing up. It is just like when my Opa (grandfather) use to tell me that he had a secret to tell me, and when he would whisper in it my ear it was always the same thing…. “I love you!” I will never forget that. It happened every time I saw him. It was so wonderful to have that connection. I didn’t have that kind of connection with anyone else. It was special, and made me feel special. Just like I want my boys to feel. Because they are special. And I love them. To the moon and back.

I Need to Hide!

Can someone explain to me why on earth toddlers feel the need to hide to do their business? I just don’t get it. When there is a perfectly good potty to sit on and fill to their hearts desire, why, oh why, do they ask to be excused from the table to hide?!?! So we are trying our best to get Jakob to eat his dinner when he starts whining that he needs to get down and hide. Hide! So I told him no, that he can’t go and hide, and if he needs to poop then lets take a stab at the potty. He fought me on it, but eventually gave in (once I had placed him gently in the bathroom and taken off his shorts and diaper!), and grabbed a Little Einsteins book to read while attempting to do his business. He then asked for some privacy! I love that. It is too cute. So we left him alone for a while. And sure enough he pooped on the potty! So he very proudly called for some assistance and showed off his achievement. Then he even put on his shorts by himself. I couldn’t believe that, he is usually quite last when it comes to dressing himself. So he then proceeded to the kitchen to get his “prize” – 5 M&M’s for pooping! Very exciting. And now he is down at the beach with his daddy, probably having a blast. Gotta love it.

good friends

I have been meaning to write a post about the great friends I have made here in CT. And today I was reminded of how lucky I am to have them. I was telling the story of how I came to belong to our mommy’s group. That I had met Janine and Tabitha by chance at an open house, that I had joined the MOM’s Club and went to their craft night at J’s house and hit it off with them. Then Tabitha invited me to join the playgroup. And the rest was history. I was so nervous. I was first nervous to go to the craft night, to a house of someone I hadn’t met, to meet moms I hadn’t met, and the potential friends that I had an opportunity to make. So when I went to my first playgroup with Jakob I was so happy to meet other moms just like me. I made some fantastic friends. They have been a support system to me that I never thought I would have here. They are really truly awesome. The past few years have been filled with good times, sad time, and really rough times. And these wonderful women have been there through it all. Providing me with all the love and support I could ever ask for. They have become my family. Many of them have family nearby, and when I think about how hard it is to not have family around, I think of all the great friends I have to lean on and realize that they are my family. I rely on them for so much and they have never disappointed! They have listened to my paranoid outbursts, my fears, my joys, my sadness, my losses, my triumphs, absolutely everything. And I thank them for it. Maybe I haven’t thanked them enough or lately. I am going to plan something for them to let them know what they have meant to me. Hmmmm…. Going to think about that. I am also dreading our move this year. I really don’t want to leave them behind. I know that the move will be good for Jason’s army career, and that it may even be better for our relationship and his relationship with the boys. So it is a catch-22. The sucky part is leaving all these amazing mommies. The goodbyes will be so hard. I can’t even think about that day right now. It makes me sad, super sad. And right now I want to be happy and savour the summer. There is so many good things going on, and this is going to be a summer of memories. So I am going to get off of this computer and get back to making memories with my boys.

I am NOT afraid!

My mother would be very proud of me. I actually saw a spider in the shower with me and didn’t lose it screaming like a banshee. I don’t like to share my shower with anyone, or anything. And I hate spiders. A lot! So getting into the shower on Sunday and seeing a very big “daddy-long-legs” was not my idea of a fun time. But instead of screaming, killing it, and washing it down the drain I calmly called Jakob to come and see it. He thought it was very cool. Then he called Daddy and I asked him to bring me the very cool new bug catcher he got for his birthday. Jakob was very happy when I caught the spider in the catcher and sealed it up. He was able to walk around and check out the spider and I was once again alone in my morning shower. Whew! This catcher is really cool, the lid on it has a magnifying glass so it enlarges the “bug” inside – which for me is not so cool. But Jakob loved it. We kept the spider for a day. Jakob carried it around for awhile. No, we didn’t name it. Jakob carried on a few conversations with it, but no names. He was very willing to let it go the next day outside in nature where spiders belong. The spider was released out in our backyard and has not returned for a shower. Thank goodness!

My Parenting Epiphanies

Ok, so I have been thinking a lot about what kind of parent I am. Those of you who know me, know that I “obsess” about this a lot. I don’t mean to. I just can’t help it. So these days I am realizing that I am a better parent in public. That sounds horrible right? And it is. I hold it together more when someone else is watching and listening to me. I have more patience out and about. I try harder when I am around other mothers and their children. I am a competitive parent. I want my child to be the best, I want them to be the smartest, friendliest, most well behaved child wherever we are and whomever we are with. And I want the other mothers to think that I am a great mother, that I have it all together. I know that I am a good mother. I know that I have great children. Jakob certainly isn’t the most well behaved. I am not the most patient. Aiden isn’t the best sleeper during the day, he throws fits and cries for no reason. I rock him and say “stop it, stop it” as my mantra to calm him instead of “shhh…it’s alright”. It’s hard to admit this. But it is therapeutic to type it and get it out. And those friends that read this blog are supportive and share many of my neurosis and worries. So here I lay my concerns and guilt for those to read and comment. I am NOT perfect. And I think I am a better parent for it. Jakob and Aiden will be better people learning from my mistakes and be stronger going through life together feeling it all out.