I'm moving this blog....

Sorry for the short notice... but we are moving this blog. I have two blogs right now and it is time to combine them into one! So I am starting a new blog called Love Big, Bake Often! So you can reach me here at http://lovebigbakeoften.blogspot.com. I will send out msgs to everyone to adjust their blogrolls to find me here!Thanks for your patience as I get the new blog rolling. Tania Love Big, Bake Often

perspective

I often find that we get all worked up over things that are really not important, and then all it takes is one moment to put it all in perspective. While dropping Jakob off at school this morning I was told that one of his teachers lost her husband to his fight against cancer. I had recently found out that he was sick, but had no clue how serious it was or where he was in his battle. So today came as such a shock. And my heart goes out to H and her family, especially her two children. It made me realize how silly I am about some small things that are really nothing to be upset about. Life is short, love big, worry about the big things, work through the little ones, and always tell those you love-you love them. Tania Love Big, Bake Often Sorry for the short post.

I'm Back

Whew... finally back online. Feels like forever - and to some it has been. Can't wait to get back into the swing of things again. Keep a look out for new things, new events, lots of fun, lots of pictures as we get going on many new adventures. The moving date is quickly approaching and time is running out. Hope to blog more tonight. Tania Love Big, Bake Often

Lack of Blogging

I realize that it has been “forever” since I have blogged. I get so distracted by different things going on in my life and the blogging goes away… And when things are going on in my life I really want to blog about them all. I fear that I have forgotten some very important things that have happened in the past few weeks that I would have blogged about. Sad. But here I go and will write as much as I can remember. My brother Tim was here visiting from Korea. Yippie!! It was so great to see him. I think it has been about a year and a half since I had seen him. He came in on Sunday last week. And since Jakob had a birthday party to attend, he went with Daddy, and Aiden and I went to Newark to pick him up. Getting to Newark was pretty easy, our good friend Steve lent us his GPS and it got me there safe and sound. The trip home however, was TORTURE! After picking up Tim from the airport we stopped to get a bite to eat and get Aiden some chow – he was screaming in the backseat like he was being tortured. We ended up in little Portugal in Newark. Interesting neighbourhood – little scary. But we had a really good burger and Aiden ate quickly, then back in the car and off we went. So the hour and a half it took Aiden and I to get to Newark, turned into a three hour and a bit trip to get home. We sat in stop and go traffic getting over the g*#da** George Washington bridge. It was a very painful trip home. Not exactly how I wanted to welcome Tim. But what can you do. So we finally got home, had a great dinner (bbq’d by my hubby) and hung out. Jakob was very excited to see his Uncle Tim, and had to show him everything. Tim and Jake were inseperable. He wanted to do everything with Uncle Tim. We had a good few days. We went to the Aquarium, where Jake had to see and show us all everything. We hit the Skateboarding Park. Jake stood on the sidelines and shouted for Uncle Tim to be careful. And then he stood on the skateboard while Tim pushed him around. We did some shopping, some time at the beach, had some great meals, went for ice cream, and just hung out together. It was a good visit. It was too bad that Jason had to work such long hours and didn’t get a whole lot of time with us. But what can you do? That’s the way the cookie crumbles. Then came the dreaded day when we had to take Uncle Tim back to the airport to head back to Korea. I was not going to go the same way that we did picking him up. On a Friday morning we were destined to get stuck in all kinds of traffic getting there and coming home. Luckily I was able to change Jakob’s daycare day and he was in school on Friday. So Aiden and I would be taking Tim back to Newark. We plotted out our route the night before and agreed that we needed to get going early, real early. So Aiden, Tim and I headed back to Newark to take Tim back to the dreaded airport at 6:00 am. Now that may not sound to early, but I didn’t sleep well that night, and Aiden decided (after several nights of sleeping all the way through) that he needed to get up at 4:30 and stay up til 5:15ish. So there really wasn’t any going back to sleep for me. I needed to get up and get going so that we got out of there on time. And we did. The route we took was so easy and so smooth – not a single bit of traffic. Sailed all the way there! The goodbyes were tearful. And I was surprised to see him standing on the sidewalk waiting for Aiden and I to leave. It was so sweet. We waved and didn’t say goodbye – we said see you at the wedding. But that is a whole other blog. More to come… stay tuned for “don’t chew on the dog!”. Love big, Bake often

Tania

Tim and Aiden at the bowling alley...

Tim and Jakob at the Aquarium...

Tim teaching Jakob how to Skate. . .

Veggie Brownies

I am going to post this on both my blogs – this one is good for baking and for mommies! Brownies made with veggies! I will admit that as I am typing this I have not tried them. But wow, do they ever smell yummy. I can’t wait to try them, and usually I would be digging into them as they were still warm, but the recipe says that they need to be completely cooled before the spinach taste dissipates. So the taste testing part will have to wait. But in the meantime here is the recipe for those interested. I got it from “Deceptively Delicious” cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld. I have been reading it again and am on a mission to make more good for you dishes for my family. I had purchased a “log” of chocolate chip cookie dough to make with Jakob last week. I realized that it was still in the fridge yesterday and thought to myself “oh no, I had better make these soon”, and much to my disgust I read that the expiration date wasn’t til the middle of SEPT!!! So it got me thinking about all the preservatives in food. I have promised myself and my boys (all three of them) that I will do my best to make as many things fresh and from scratch that I can. I am going to see how much more organic products we can afford to switch to when grocery shopping. I already do a little bit of organic purchases, but there is a lot more that I could do for us. And I really do have more time to make more homemade meals – I just have to get myself more organized and plan ahead. But that is a whole other blog. So let’s get back to the recipe: Brownies 3 ounces semi sweet chocolate ½ cup carrot puree ½ cup spinach puree ½ cup brown sugar ¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder 2 tbsp trans fat-free soft tub margarine spread 2 tsp vanilla 2 large egg whites ¾ cup all purpose flour ½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt 1. Preheat the oven to 350. Coat an 8x8 baking pan with cooking spray. 2. Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or over a very low flame. 3. In a large bowl, combine the melted chocolate, vegetable purees, sugar, cocoa powder, margarine, and vanilla, and whisk until smooth and creamy, 1 to 2 minutes. 4. Whisk in egg whites. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt with a wooden spoon. 5. Pour the batter into the pan and bake 35 to 40 minutes. Cool completely in the pan before cutting into 12 bars. Remember – leave them to cool completely before eating. The cool info about these is that each brownie only has 133 calories and each has a whopping 3 grams of fiber! And each is packed with antioxidants! Cool, eh? So that is my tasty, healthy treat for my family.

Tornado Pooper

Ok, so the potty training is going, just going. It has been challenging, but we have had many more successes than accidents. Today was hilarious. It had been about half an hour since Jason had left to take Jake to play next door. Our neighbours were having a bbq and invited us to come over. Aiden was crashing, and I really wasn’t feeling up to socializing. So Jason took Jakob over for a quick visit before he headed out for his boys night out. Here I was sitting on the couch with a very sleeping boy in my arms, and suddenly the door flew open, Jake came running past us, and took off for the bathroom. Jason came in a moment or two later. Apparently Jason had been talking with Mike while Jakob played and all of a sudden Jakob took off, opened the gate to their yard and came running to the house, through both front doors and off to the bathroom. I thought something was wrong, but he was fine. He just needed to go to the bathroom! He ran full speed, got to the bathroom, took off his shorts and underwear and POOPED on the potty! So he took off because his body told him he needed to poop! I have never been so proud! So tonight I will call him the tornado pooper as he came through the living room like a tornado and pooped. It was fantastic.

From the mouth of Babes

It wasn’t a great afternoon. I had a very clingy six month old attached to me and didn’t want to be left alone. So as I was listening to Aiden cry, I was getting Jakob’s dinner ready (read heating up leftover Chinese in the microwave) and I was calling to Aiden that I would be there in a minute. I put Jake’s dinner down in front of him and commented on how I was going crazy or was going to lose it, or something like that. I didn’t realize that Jakob was paying attention to what I was saying, but he sure was. He came out with the most profound statement. He said “Mommy, you can never give up”. I can never give up. Hmmmmm. How true. What exactly did he mean by that. Can I never give up on him and Aiden? Can I never give up on being a Mom? Of course not. But how does he know that? It has to make you think about how their minds work. What was he thinking that I would give up on? But back to their minds. Jakob has come out with some very thoughtful comments before. I, unfortunately, have forgotten most of them. But this one, oh this one will stick with me for a long time. We all have moments when we wish we could quit, that we could just give up when it gets too hard. But we can’t. I can’t. I have to take a breath, step back, pick up Aiden, sit with Jakob and have dinner, kiss my husband goodnight as he leaves me with the clingy boy and the “profit”, and smile as I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. So, don’t worry Jakob, I’m never going to give up.

Clever Boy

Jakob loves his tv. He becomes a little zombie and gets sucked into the shows like his father. And he likes to be able to hear it. There is a lot of extra noise in our house these days, with the fans, air conditioner, Aiden, etc. So there is some competition for the tv to be heard. And when Aiden is bouncing in his exersaucer there is even more noise. Aiden likes to bounce a lot. So when he is in it there is a lot of noise. So much noise, that the other day Jakob got very frustrated with the noise and the fact that he couldn’t hear his show. I happened to be in the kitchen washing dishes and getting dinner ready. I could hear Jakob telling Aiden to be quiet. Aiden, having no clue, giggled and jumped louder. So Jakob did the only thing he knew to get Aiden to be quiet – he came to me and told me that “Aiden is tired, you need to put him in his swing so he can sleep!”. Too funny. But I understand. The swing is SO much quieter than him jumping up and down in the exersaucer! Tricky little man, but clever.

The Squashinator

I am not sure why, but Aiden found his squash tonight to be quite entertaining. He would take some, blow a raspberry and giggle with every bite. Very amusing, but not too much went in tonight! Oh well, we had a good time anyway! Here's a video of it!

Update

It has been forever since I have taken the time to blog, it seems. The past week flew by. Jake had his surgery. And I started a very detailed blog about the day and got half way through and then didn’t finish it. I thought about finishing it now but would rather catch up to now. Jake did great with his surgery, recovered like a champ, and has been fine since. Except the sleeping. He seems to be able to hear better and now hears all kinds of slight little noises in his room and is convinced that they are monsters. So we go in, turn on the flashlight and look around the room and make sure there are no monsters in the closet, the corners, and under the bed. We did put the night light back in the room but I took it out tonight because it puts out too much light and I think it is adding to the problem. So we will see how that works. So last weeks update that should have been blogged was Jake’s ears. But this weeks is all about pottying. Jakob was pull-up and diaper free today. He did great. Peeing all the time and having no problem with his pee. But pooping is a different story. He held it in until we were out and about. So within 5 minutes of being in the Dr.’s office he was under a chair and lying on his back pooping! I had just turned my back for a minute to sign some paperwork for the office. And voila – POOP! I was trying so hard. And Jake was doing so well. I thought we had it. But it’s only one little accident. I have to not let it bother me or make a big deal out it. So we ended the day with 4 pee breaks in two hours. And went to bed with a pullup. Tomorrow is a new day. And I am so happy that we are at this stage. I have been waiting for that “moment” when you just know that it is time. And today for some reason when I woke up I knew it was the day. So I went for it. Now there is no turning back. It’s ON! Wish us luck.

Ouch!

Jakob's girlfriend broke her arm! Poor Natalie. Another child (read bad little boy) pushed her on a playground and she fell several feet to the ground on her side with her arm tucked the wrong way. From the report from her mother she was quite a trooper and enjoyed the ride in the ambulance. I think maybe Mom was having more trouble relaxing than Natalie! Which is totally understandable, I would be losing my mind. I was very impressed when Janine told me she held back on crying and held onto a brave face for Natalie. I would like to think that I would be able to do the same, but it would be so hard not to break down and cry along with Jake or Aiden! So for the next few days Natalie is sporting a splint to hold the arm in place (which took awhile for them to be able to do, and a couple rounds of knocking her out), and then she is getting her super cast! I forget what colour J said she wanted. But I am sure that it will be girly and covered in princess stickers in no time. I really hope that they are able to get a waterproof one so that our dates at the pool aren't minus one friend. We had such a good time last year at the pool all together and this year there are even more of us joining, so it is going to be a great time. Jakob was anxious to see Natalie over the weekend. We told him that she got hurt and his immediate reaction was to do something nice for her (I must be doing something right). So we decided to make her sugar cookies with M&M's in them, knowing that M&M's are her favourite treat. So that is what we did. Sorry - no pictures, all are eaten. Jakob did a great job turning on the mixer and then pushing the M&M's into the cookie before we baked them. It was two in the cookie, one in the mouth. He thought I wasn't watching and smiled with each one he "snuck". It was very cute. So then we hung out in the kitchen waiting for the timer to beep and tell us they were done. After they cooled we had to taste test them to make sure they were "giveable". They were yummy. So we packed some up (had to leave a few at home) and Jakob and Daddy took them over to Natalie. Unfortunately she was napping at the time, so they dropped them off and made plans to see Natalie soon. Soon came on Sunday night when we met up for ice cream. Jakob was a great kid all weekend and made several attempts at the potty, and even achieved a few pees and one poop. So we decided to go for ice cream after dinner and invite Natalie and family. They were able to meet us and we had a good time. We had warned Jakob about Natalie's arm and told him that he needed to be super gentle and not overly rambunctious with her. And he was. They sat together on the bench and shared their ice creams and when we were leaving he gave her a gentle hug and kiss goodbye. I was impressed by how easy going Natalie was with her splint and sling. She has adjusted well to having it. And she seemed rather pain free, thank goodness. So our best wishes and speedy recovery go out to Natalie. We can't wait to see you and play soon. You are such a trooper.

Surgery vs. Procedure

So I call Jakob having tubes put in his ears “surgery”, even though the ENT said that calling it surgery was a bit extreme. He would rather call it a “procedure”, since it takes such a short time to perform and they are just under via gas and not hooked up to anything, no IV. So I think that is what we might call it. I think it sounds much less ominous. Less frightening. For me. And right now that is important. Jakob will have no clue what is going on until the morning of. Which by the way will be next Tuesday. I was surprised that they were able to fit us in so soon. I am glad that we are getting it over with and behind us, but at the same time I really hope we are ready for it. It’s a big deal for us. So the count down is on… 6 days to go until no more ear infections and maybe clear up his hearing. Oh . . . almost forgot, when Jakob woke up from his nap he told me his ears hurt. This was after a 3 ½ hour nap!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

We have had a lot of rain the past week. And there is more to come. I love it. It has cooled things down and made for easier, more enjoyable sleeping. But the hassle of it is that it makes us homebound. And Jakob certainly doesn’t like to be homebound for too long. But he is checking out the rain with new curiosity. Wondering why it comes down so fast at times and then so slowly. What is thunder and lightening? He isn’t interested in the scientific explanations he wants fun ones. He wants to hear that the thunder is actually because the storm clouds are angry. I feel like Kathy Bates in Waterboy. Making up explanations that he likes to hear. Or that I make up because I don’t really know the right answer. I though I had some time, but I think I need to buy that book that is filled with 1001 answers to questions your kid will ask you.

Time Outs

The question of the day. We have done time outs for a long time. But I have always questioned whether or not they work. What is Jakob learning from it? Does it really make him not want to re-offend? I get frustrated doing time outs. Listening to him cry and scream uncontrollably makes it hard for me to think that he is learning anything from it, except that I leave him there to cry for several minutes and tell him he has to stay there until he stops crying. Which makes me feel even worse. Jakob is like me, like I use to be when I was little, I would cry and cry until I make myself sick. So does having him sit to the side out of sight screaming like that help him learn what he has done was wrong? Arg! What to do, what to do? Friends are going through the same thing. Starting time outs with Nathan. And wondering the same things – do they work? There are certain behaviours that Jakob has that have to change. I cannot take the hitting, the whining, the abuse of the dog, the throwing of toys, the not sharing, and of course the talking back. I have been trying my best to not lose my cool with him. It ‘s hard. I feel like I am trying to keep all my balls in the air and juggle the best I can. But there are times when I just don’t have it in me and I drop a few. And I feel like Jake is always feeling the brunt of it. So when it comes time to “punish” him, I feel bad/guilty. And I feel frustrated because the crimes are always the same. He doesn’t seem to be learning from them. So what do I do? How do I get him to understand what the time outs are for? Or is it time to take things away? Does he really love something enough to have it taken away? Besides the TV? And sometimes taking the TV away from him is just as much a punishment for me! Hate to admit it, but you know its true. I was reading my friend J’s blog today and stumbled across a posting that I missed from a few days ago. It spoke to me. I really don’t want Jakob and Aiden to be afraid of me. I don’t want them to learn by fear. I never want them to flinch or be scared of me. I want them to learn by love. So it is time to reset myself and get back to what I call “emotional parenting”. It is important for me to watch Jakob’s emotions and work off of them. It worked for me before. And then I got lazy. I got tired at the end of my pregnancy and then having two. Another day I will explain emotional parenting. I read a lot of parenting books. I really want to be the best parent I can, I want Jason and I to be the best parents we can be. On a side note about time outs – I put my friends little boy in time out today. I was watching Natalie and Nathan for a few hours and Nathan was out of control. He hits and throws to get attention from the older kids. Nat and Jake were ignoring him and he wanted to play with them. He hit a few times, got a few warnings, and then threw a couple of big cars at Jakob. So off to time out he went. He didn’t really understand what I was doing, it is new to him. He stayed on the mat for a few seconds and then toddled off. I put him back on a few times, and eventually he stayed there for his time and then said sorry to Jake. So maybe he did get it. Who knows… will we ever know if it works?

ENT Update

So we had our appointment with the ENT today. But we should start by mentioning that the day started super early – 5:45 am. I talked Jakob into taking some quiet time for another ½ hour, but it was still very early. I use to be such a morning person and since having the boys I move slower in the mornings. I can’t wait til Aiden is sleeping through the night on a regular basis and the boys start to enjoy their sleep as much as Jason and I do. But I digress … Our ENT appointment was at 8:30. So getting up and out of the house with both boys was a bit hurried. I was hoping that Jason was coming with me to help but he didn’t get going in time to be there. So off the three of us went to Yale. It was a short wait to get in to see the Dr., which was nice. So after checking out the ears, nose and throat, it was decided that Jakob would be a perfect candidate for tubes, but lets check his hearing first. So off to the waiting room we went, but just for a short while. The hearing test went well, he did a great job following instructions. He was really cute. But at the same time as he wanted me to hold his hand for the test, Aiden decided he wanted his bottle, so I was stretched out a little thin. The results of the hearing test were that he had a little bit of hearing loss in both ears, but that it might/should clear up / restore itself once the tubes are in, the fluid drains and the membrane thins out. Thank goodness. I was very sad to hear that he was having a slight loss. I felt like such a crappy Mom for not pushing for these sooner. I hope that it isn’t permanent – that would kill me. After the hearing test we went back in to see the Dr. who explained the procedure to me and answered my questions. So now we are waiting for the phone call from his office gal to book a day for the tube “procedure”. I am not as nervous about it any more. It sounds pretty simple and straight forward, and common. I am just worried about how Jake will respond to the anesthesia and how he will come out of it. Janine said that N was screaming and flailing like a banshee when he came too. She explained that it is that their ears feel SO different from when they went under and it freaks them out. I can’t wait to go for months on end and NOT have Jakob on antibiotics for an ear infection! I will be worried the day of the surgery and the day after, but it will all be worth it. And hopefully Jakob wont be too mad at us for putting him through this. More ENT updates to follow. Thank you for all the warm wishes and advice from all the Moms out there.

Happy Father's Day

I think that I made it a great day for Jason. We had a very good day. I got up with the boys early this morning, and let Jason sleep in. I went to go and make some coffee for us and found an empty tin! So I piled the two boys into the car and off to DD we went. When we got back we woke Daddy up and started to make breakfast. Jakob and I had planned to make pancakes, fresh strawberries, and whipped cream. YUM. So we had some breakfast together and then I sent Jakob and Jason to Bounce U to go and play. They spent an hour and a half bouncing, running, climbing, and having fun together. From what they both told me I think it sounds like they had a great bonding experience. They both came home tired and awfully sweaty – it was a humid, sticky day today. When they came home they both had a snack and then took a nap – Jake in his room and Jason in ours. I was hoping that Aiden would nap at the same time (since he didn’t have much of a morning nap), but no such luck. Aiden was awake for most of the quiet time in the house. Aiden then decided to conk out just as they other boys were waking up. We had plans with friends to go to the Irish Festival but then the rain started and there was no way we were going to schlep the kiddos out in the rain. So the plans changed to making dinner at our friend’s house and let the kids play. I decided that it was my turn to cook. So we stopped at the grocery store before heading over to get some ingredients. I decided to make grilled chicken, lemon pasta, and green beans with almonds. It turned out quite yummy. And was almost all core. And we added some chocolate pudding pie! Not all bad, sugar free – fat free. Low fat milk. Non fat whipped topping. Yum, yum, yum. The kids played well together. They had a good time. I like spending time together as families. It’s really nice. Jakob had a great time and was very sad to leave. As we drove away he was whispering “I lost my Natalie”. He hates to leave her. But I don’t think he was missing Nathan, as they had a couple of run ins tonight. But all in all they had a good night watching Peter Pan and the Muppets. Love the Muppets. Jakob gave a lot of good belly laughs at the Muppets. Father’s Day. It’s almost over. I am glad that Jason had a good night. And I don’t want to put a cloud over this message, or over the great day that we had, but I am sad that I don’t have anyone to call to thank for being my Dad. I was happy to have a short amount of quiet time today to just think about the happy times I have in my memories of Dad and Herb. They were both so different from on another, that’s for sure, but loved me. Arg! I don’t have the energy to get into it right now. Just leave it at this, I miss them and I wish they were still with me so that I could say “Thank you for being a great Dad”.Happy Father’s Day, Everyone!

I have a sneaking suspicion

I don’t have the diagnosis yet, but I would put money on it that when we go in Monday morning, they will tell me that his ear(s) are inflamed. He has been acting like he usually does when he has an earache – cranky, not eating, picky, whiny, etc. etc. Which to some sounds like just an ordinary toddler, but for Jakob it is over the top when he has an earache. I like that I have the motherhood “sixth sense” about his ears. But that should be expected since he just had his 14th! I can’t wait til Monday. I don’t hope I am right, just have a sneaky suspicion.

Meant to post this last night...

Tomorrow is Father’s Day. I would like to wish all the daddys out there a very happy father’s day. I have some plans for Jason and the boys tomorrow. Jakob and I are going to make Jason’s favourite breakfast, Pancakes! And then Jake and Jason are off to Bounce U to play for a couple of hours. Then home for lunch and a nap. In the afternoon we are off to the Irish festival with some friends. So we are hoping for a good day. I need to keep busy. I miss my dads every day of the year, but the day that is set aside to specifically celebrate them can be a hard one for me. So we will fill the day with fun and hope for the best.

Playgroup - FUN

I really look forward to getting together with the Mommy group. I like watching all the kids play together and have fun. Yesterday was a great playgroup, outside at Janine’s house. The kids were swinging, sliding, and running through the sprinkler. It was so much fun. The weather was perfect – hot, but not too hot, a nice breeze, and not too humid. The shade was over a good chunk of grass by the time the playgroup started so there was a nice place for the mom’s to hang out (and the newbies). And all the kids seemed to play quite well with each other. It’s always nice when they get along. Don’t get me wrong, there were some warnings and I believe an actual time out, but for such a large group it was pretty much argument free. I think that has to do a lot with being outside and there being more space. I think with our kids getting so big it sometimes seems like our houses get smaller. I have not hosted at our house. I feel bad that I haven’t, but my house is tiny compared to others, and with Toby I haven’t had the courage to have the group over. I have had a couple of the moms at a time over to the house, but not a full group. I have hosted outings instead. Anyways…. We had a great time. The cookies I brought with us were a hit. Which of course makes me happy. I get an ego boost when someone likes what I have baked/made. I know that is why I do it, I am a people pleaser and I like to be validated too. Does that make sense? Next weeks playgroup sounds like fun too. Sprinkler park. Fun, Fun, Fun.

The French Fry Look

Those of you who know Jason may have heard about the french fry look. This evening I saw Jakob’s girlfriend Natalie give him the french fry look. It was priceless. Let me explain the french fry look. Jason and I were having dinner at the Hard Rock Café in Korea a month or so before we started dating. It was so loud in there you couldn’t hear each other talk. We were out with two girls I worked with. The four of us were out passing notes on napkins since the music was so loud. I had ordered a pasta dish, can’t remember what it was, but it was yummy. Jason had ordered a burger and fries. The fries looked tasty. So… I helped myself to a fry off his plate without asking. Jason gave me this look of “how dare you” crossed with a look of death, which has now been named the french fry look. He denies that it was such a harsh look but it was so funny to see him react that way. And just like his mommy, Jakob was shocked at the reaction Natalie gave him when he helped himself to one of her McD’s fries. Again, priceless.

Well it's about time!

I have an appointment next Monday with a Ped ENT for Jakob. After 14 ear infections we are finally talking to an ENT about tubes. I have given in. And I have hit the wall. I was really hoping to avoid them when he first started to have ear infections. I wanted him to be the kid that grew out of them and didn’t have to have tubes. Surgery on my little boy was not something that I wanted to happen. And then I waited and waited as the Dr. told me that he was going to be growing out of them as he reached three years of age. But we are on infection number four or five for this year alone! So that wall has been hit. I am done waiting. And now we have the referral needed from the insurance company and the appointment is booked. I am so happy. I know that he will probably be booking Jakob in for tubes and that still makes me sad. Though the risks of letting him continue to get infections out weighs my worries of surgery. Now we just have to assure my husband that it isn’t as big a deal as he thinks. And that doing them now will be better then him having hearing loss later in life or having to get them re-done over and over again. Stay tuned for the ear updates to follow.

too full a day

I packed too much into one day. Too many appointments. The day began at 5:30 am when Aiden decided he was very hungry. He slept through til then, but it was still pretty early. Jake heard the commotion and decided to get in on the action. But you know since the alarm was set for 6, it really wasn’t a big deal. So we rushed around to get out of the house by 7, dropped the boys off with Jason at his office by 7:30 and to my physical therapy appointment by 7:45 am. Then we had a lot of time to kill before gymnastics so we drove around a little until Aiden crashed, and then we sat in the car and watched Toy Story! So then at gymnastics Jakob had a meltdown just as they were letting us in to take pictures. We have been banned from taking pictures for the whole session. And this was the week that they were finally letting us in! He wanted to get a drink from the fountain. Which, to me, didn’t seem like such a horrible request but they said no. So I took him out to the observation room and gave him his water cup. After he had his drink I tried to get him back into the room to show me what he has learned so that I could get some good shots of him. Need those shots for the scrapbook, ya know! But he totally wasn’t having it. They tried to coax him to perform but I finally asked them not to and to just let it go. You can’t push him to do something that he doesn’t want to. Within reason. He just needed to time to calm down. And I realized that there are just times in parenting when you have to let it go. You have to let go of your own expectations of what is going to happen and to go with the flow. Be flexible and assess the situation and be prepared to adapt to whatever the wind brings. So we packed it in and headed home. We needed to get home and take a nap right away anyways. So off we went. Jakob was able to nap from 12 to 1:15! A short nap for him, but I didn’t have a choice. We needed to be out the door by 1:30 to get to my appointment in time. Yes, another appointment. Jason was meeting me at Yale for my ENT appointment for my vertigo. The vertigo that had been around for 3 months and then disappeared yesterday! So the Dr. didn’t have anything to look at and diagnose. What a pain in the a**! I was really annoyed. But now we have a bit of a baseline and “relationship”, so if and when it comes back we can have something to go on. During my appointment I could hear Jakob losing it in the waiting room with Jason. It was so sad. I felt bad that he had really been dragged around all day and on such a hot day. In and out of a hot car, and just as it would cool down we would get to where we were going! Poor thing. So when we finally got home from all our outings we sat down and had some Popsicles in front of the air conditioner! He loved it. And the rest of our night went well, and at a much slower pace! Tomorrow we are going to take things slow and not rush anywhere. We’ll get there when we get there.

J-E-L-L-O

Apparently there IS always room for Jello! My son ate and entire thing of Jello. Yesterday I made Jello for Jake and his friends, but we ended up going for ice cream instead. So there was Jello in the fridge. After he inhaled his dinner of Kraft Dinner (yes, I am Canadian!) and hot dog, he announced he wanted something more. So I offered up a bowl of Jello. So one bowl turned into two bowls, which turned into a third and fourth bowl, and then it was all gone! I thought about stopping him after that second bowl, but then thought “what’s the big deal?”, it was sugar free Jello, so I let him eat it all. And he loved it. The dog didn’t though, Jakob dropped some on the floor and Toby went to investigate and just left it there. I thought our canine trash compactor ate everything, but today I was proven wrong. My doggie doesn’t like Jello. More for Jakob.

Jakob as an Adjuma (korean little old lady)

I thought this was the funniest! I was shocked that he left it on to take some good pictures. He really is a ham. Takes after me, or so my Mother tells me. Me, dramatic? Never!!!

Pictures?

Ok, lets see if I can figure this out..... WHOO HOOOO!! Pictures!! Ok - now isn't he just the cutest little man you ever did see? 5 1/2 months!

New Layout!

Trying out a new layout. Please let me know what you think. I was thinking that the old layout was a little boring and not quite me. I am not sure that this is it either, but it has more colour, which is more like me. Cool eh? Just have to figure out what is wrong with my links so that I can put on some pictures. Hmmmm... Bess, maybe you can help me out?

Mom's Night Out

Thank goodness for MNO’s. They are such a necessity. And thank goodness for good friends to have them with. Last night was so much fun. Dinner wasn’t the greatest. The drinks were wonderful. And the movie was everything I was hoping for. This was a big group of us. We talked, we laughed, we made fun of each other, we played an awesome prank on J. It was the best MNO yet (that I have attended). I think I really need to make more of an effort to make these events. It was just what I needed. Jakob has another ear infection and pink eye, so you can imagine how much I needed the break. And Aiden is teething again – those top two are thinking about making a permanent appearance. The day just kept getting more and more stressful. Which is why those two cosmopolitans went down so easily – though not quick enough for Janine, who kept asking me if I need a straw! The movie, oh the movie, I have been a big SATC fan, and was so excited to see the movie. I am glad that I got to see it on the big screen, and that I got a chance to see it with my great friends. I watched scenes of it and it made me think about the relationships I have with the friends I have made here. And the friends that I use to have in Toronto. There was five of us in TO, not four. But we all had our specific roles, just like Carrie and friends. I am not sure who I was out of the group - probably a mix of Carrie, Miranda, and Samantha, but definitely no Charlotte. I miss those girls. But that is another very long story.

Hot, Hot, and Hotter!

It is getting awfully warm in here. It is very warm here today. And the house got warmer as the day progressed. Jason didn’t get home from work til about 4 and it was then that he was able to get into the storage and pull out the fans. It is still too soon for the air conditioner (maybe!), so for now we will survive with fans in the rooms. But I really don’t see that being enough for long. Jakob is a hot number, and Aiden gets super hot when he is upset or feeding. He gets all hot and clammy. Which of course does not make for a happy baby, or Mommy. So those air conditioners might make it into the windows sooner than we would like. Just wish comfort wasn’t so costly. I can think of many other things I would like to spend our money on, but then again, comfort is worth it. Every chilly penny.

To the Moon and Back

I love my boys. No doubt about it. And I make sure that they know it. I will continue to tell them every chance I get for the rest of their lives. Most conversations about my loving them goes a lil’ something like this… Me: “I love you.” Jakob: “ I love you, too” Me: “How much?” Jakob (With arms spread wide): “ This much!” Me: “And how much do I love you?” Jakob: “To the moon and back.” Me: “That’s right, baby. You know it!” This happens a couple of times a day. And he always seems to be excited about it. It has become a ritual for us. One that I will be continuing for the rest of their lives. It is these little rituals and memories that I want my boys to have growing up. It is just like when my Opa (grandfather) use to tell me that he had a secret to tell me, and when he would whisper in it my ear it was always the same thing…. “I love you!” I will never forget that. It happened every time I saw him. It was so wonderful to have that connection. I didn’t have that kind of connection with anyone else. It was special, and made me feel special. Just like I want my boys to feel. Because they are special. And I love them. To the moon and back.

I Need to Hide!

Can someone explain to me why on earth toddlers feel the need to hide to do their business? I just don’t get it. When there is a perfectly good potty to sit on and fill to their hearts desire, why, oh why, do they ask to be excused from the table to hide?!?! So we are trying our best to get Jakob to eat his dinner when he starts whining that he needs to get down and hide. Hide! So I told him no, that he can’t go and hide, and if he needs to poop then lets take a stab at the potty. He fought me on it, but eventually gave in (once I had placed him gently in the bathroom and taken off his shorts and diaper!), and grabbed a Little Einsteins book to read while attempting to do his business. He then asked for some privacy! I love that. It is too cute. So we left him alone for a while. And sure enough he pooped on the potty! So he very proudly called for some assistance and showed off his achievement. Then he even put on his shorts by himself. I couldn’t believe that, he is usually quite last when it comes to dressing himself. So he then proceeded to the kitchen to get his “prize” – 5 M&M’s for pooping! Very exciting. And now he is down at the beach with his daddy, probably having a blast. Gotta love it.

good friends

I have been meaning to write a post about the great friends I have made here in CT. And today I was reminded of how lucky I am to have them. I was telling the story of how I came to belong to our mommy’s group. That I had met Janine and Tabitha by chance at an open house, that I had joined the MOM’s Club and went to their craft night at J’s house and hit it off with them. Then Tabitha invited me to join the playgroup. And the rest was history. I was so nervous. I was first nervous to go to the craft night, to a house of someone I hadn’t met, to meet moms I hadn’t met, and the potential friends that I had an opportunity to make. So when I went to my first playgroup with Jakob I was so happy to meet other moms just like me. I made some fantastic friends. They have been a support system to me that I never thought I would have here. They are really truly awesome. The past few years have been filled with good times, sad time, and really rough times. And these wonderful women have been there through it all. Providing me with all the love and support I could ever ask for. They have become my family. Many of them have family nearby, and when I think about how hard it is to not have family around, I think of all the great friends I have to lean on and realize that they are my family. I rely on them for so much and they have never disappointed! They have listened to my paranoid outbursts, my fears, my joys, my sadness, my losses, my triumphs, absolutely everything. And I thank them for it. Maybe I haven’t thanked them enough or lately. I am going to plan something for them to let them know what they have meant to me. Hmmmm…. Going to think about that. I am also dreading our move this year. I really don’t want to leave them behind. I know that the move will be good for Jason’s army career, and that it may even be better for our relationship and his relationship with the boys. So it is a catch-22. The sucky part is leaving all these amazing mommies. The goodbyes will be so hard. I can’t even think about that day right now. It makes me sad, super sad. And right now I want to be happy and savour the summer. There is so many good things going on, and this is going to be a summer of memories. So I am going to get off of this computer and get back to making memories with my boys.

I am NOT afraid!

My mother would be very proud of me. I actually saw a spider in the shower with me and didn’t lose it screaming like a banshee. I don’t like to share my shower with anyone, or anything. And I hate spiders. A lot! So getting into the shower on Sunday and seeing a very big “daddy-long-legs” was not my idea of a fun time. But instead of screaming, killing it, and washing it down the drain I calmly called Jakob to come and see it. He thought it was very cool. Then he called Daddy and I asked him to bring me the very cool new bug catcher he got for his birthday. Jakob was very happy when I caught the spider in the catcher and sealed it up. He was able to walk around and check out the spider and I was once again alone in my morning shower. Whew! This catcher is really cool, the lid on it has a magnifying glass so it enlarges the “bug” inside – which for me is not so cool. But Jakob loved it. We kept the spider for a day. Jakob carried it around for awhile. No, we didn’t name it. Jakob carried on a few conversations with it, but no names. He was very willing to let it go the next day outside in nature where spiders belong. The spider was released out in our backyard and has not returned for a shower. Thank goodness!

My Parenting Epiphanies

Ok, so I have been thinking a lot about what kind of parent I am. Those of you who know me, know that I “obsess” about this a lot. I don’t mean to. I just can’t help it. So these days I am realizing that I am a better parent in public. That sounds horrible right? And it is. I hold it together more when someone else is watching and listening to me. I have more patience out and about. I try harder when I am around other mothers and their children. I am a competitive parent. I want my child to be the best, I want them to be the smartest, friendliest, most well behaved child wherever we are and whomever we are with. And I want the other mothers to think that I am a great mother, that I have it all together. I know that I am a good mother. I know that I have great children. Jakob certainly isn’t the most well behaved. I am not the most patient. Aiden isn’t the best sleeper during the day, he throws fits and cries for no reason. I rock him and say “stop it, stop it” as my mantra to calm him instead of “shhh…it’s alright”. It’s hard to admit this. But it is therapeutic to type it and get it out. And those friends that read this blog are supportive and share many of my neurosis and worries. So here I lay my concerns and guilt for those to read and comment. I am NOT perfect. And I think I am a better parent for it. Jakob and Aiden will be better people learning from my mistakes and be stronger going through life together feeling it all out.

Missing Herb

I have been thinking about Herb a lot the past few days. I wonder what he thinks about me now. I wonder if he thinks I am a good mother. I wonder if he is proud of me. I can’t get the poem out of my head. The choir sang it at church this past Sunday when I went for the first time in a long time. I wonder if it was Herb’s way of telling me he is always with me. I would like to believe that. That he is showing his presence in little ways like that. I am reminded of him often. So I wanted to post the poem that was sung at church and that we read at Herb’s burial two summers ago. But of course I can’t find it. I thought I had it in a certain place and now it isn’t there. I will have to look for the church program. I do however have another poem that Herb wanted us to have, for it is one he thought would make us smile and make the loss of him a little easier. He wanted us to know that he will always be with us and not to let ourselves sink into sorrow. To Those I Love When I am gone, release me, let me go- I have so many things to see and do. You mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears Be happy that we had so many years. I gave you my love. You can only guess How much you gave me in happiness. But now it’s time I traveled on alone. So grieve a while for me if grieve you much Then let your grief be comforted by trust. It’s only for a while, that we must part So bless the memories within your heart. I won’t be far away, for life goes on – So if you need me, call and I will come. Though you can’t see or touch me, I’ll be near – And if you listen with your heart, you’ll hear All of my love around you soft and clear And then when you must come this way alone I’ll greet you with a smile And “Welcome Home.” Anonymous So for those who have lost someone dear to them, read this and hold it close to your heart.

POOP!

Ok Everyone. Sing it with me…. Poopy on the Pot-ty, Poopy on the Pot-ty! I don’t know why but for some reason whenever Jakob does a deed on the potty I feel the need to break into song. I get SO excited. It is one step closer to him being independent. Which can be sad, I know that it will be a sad and proud moment at the same time. But right now I would give my eyeteeth to have one child out of diapers. It gets very frustrating because I know that he can do it, and that he is being super stubborn. So Sunday he finally agreed to try to pee on the potty. So as I took down his diaper I found a huge mess. He had already pooped. So I cleaned him up and convinced him to try to take a pee on the potty since we were already in the bathroom and he was naked from the waist down. So he sat on the potty playing his kazoo (don’t ask), and pushed. I think we were both shocked when he stood up and there was a little poop in the potty. He was so proud of himself. And Jason and I were very proud of him too. The first thing he asked us was how many M&Ms he could have! We had decided that for an attempt he would get one, for peeing he would get three and for poop he would get five! So imagine his surprise when we told him he could have five M&Ms. He devoured the chocolate and did the little dance to the song above. It was a great moment. One that hasn’t happened since. He hasn’t been interested in it at all. But we continue to try and hopefully we will find some time to set aside to stay at home and work on it with gusto. But in the meantime we will do our best to convince him to attempt it and see where we go from there.Wish us luck!

holy long blog batman

Catch up… Ok, please forgive me for I have sinned. I have not blogged in forever. And at a time when so much has happened. It has been such a busy few months and I don’t know where to start. So this blog is going to be about catching up and I am sure that none of my writing will be in any sort of order – more of what comes back to me when. And I am sure that I will forget things too and might write about them later. So for now I will start with what is current and see where my mind takes us. We went to a bbq yesterday at a friend’s house and had a lot of fun. Our kids ran around and caused lots of commotion and basically had fun for several hours. It was funny for me to hear B say that she knew that we would be the first ones there. I am always on time, if not early. That is unless there is a battle of wills with Jake and he is refusing to put a toy away, but that’s another story. So for us to be there first wasn’t odd for me. We are usually the first there and the last to leave. Trying to get my husband out of a social situation is not always easy. He loves to be able to sit around and have a few drinks and chat with people. You would think that he didn’t get a chance to talk every day. I love spending time with moms from the group outside of the regular playgroup setting. I like that Jason gets along with a lot of the hubbys, it makes me happy. Not really sure why. I think it’s that I like to fit in, and I like that we can fit in together. Silly, eh? So… at this bbq my wonderful son became an animal hater. He for some reason decided that hitting animals was ok this weekend. Earlier in the day Jake decided to kick Toby in the neck as she lay on the kitchen floor. And then at the party he hit Beanie with a plastic golf club and then smacked Alistair in the face. Granted he is a pug and his face was already smushed in, but come on. What the heck is all this about? So trying to get Jake to explain why this is happening was difficult. I was hoping that he was getting to the age that he can explain his behaviour and tell me why he was hitting and kicking the dogs but no such luck. He was smiling, then sad, then shy, then crying…. he didn’t know why. So we explained that he did something bad, and that we don’t hit the animals in our life. He was so embarrassed and shy about it, and then he apologized to Toby, Alistair and Beanie. He also apologized the Beth and Karen for hurting their animals too. How do I get my sons to understand that animals are our friends and we don’t abuse them? What steps do I take? Suggestions? I went to church today. Yes that’s right, I went to church. For those of you who know I am not a church goer. I wasn’t brought up in a religious family of any kind. We didn’t go to church, except maybe to hear carols at Christmas. So going to church is always a big thing for me. I get nervous and anxious being there. Usually that is. But today was a good day – I enjoyed being there. I felt comfortable for the first time in a long time. I have been to church several times with Jason and his mother when we go up to see her. We had Jakob baptized in her church. And that was probably the other time that I was a little comfortable. Today I was invited to go and hear my friend J speak at church. She is very involved in her Unitarian Church. Today she was giving a “sermon” on Death and Dying and how different ways of memorializing those who are gone has changed and evolved. That isn’t the best summary of what she said, but that is kinda the gist of it. J is probably shaking her head at me right now. J But what can you do. It was a very moving sermon all around. I spent the rest of the day thinking about those that are gone from my life. I have dealt with a lot of death in my life recently. I have lost both my fathers, had a miscarriage, lost a grandmother, and now my last grandparent is ailing. And there has been a lot of death for my friends too. It has been a rough patch. But thinking about our losses has made me look forward to the future. To making life extraordinary. To making life as wonderful as if those that are gone would have if they were still here. I plan to teach my boys the things that Herb had planned to, to make sure that they learn and appreciate the grandfathers they never got to know. To understand how much they were loved in that short little time. Even though they died before knowing about Aiden, I know that they are looking down on him and loving him and hoping for such a wonderful life for my boys. There were so many things that I had envisioned my boys doing with them. My dad wasn’t around much, though I know that he wanted to know my boys better than he knew me. There weren’t the talents that Herb had and wanted to pass on, but love just the same. I want to do things to memorialize them, and am on a mission to figure out the appropriate way. It will come to me. If we were staying in one place and had our own place we might plant a tree life my friends the R-H’s. It was such a happy coincidence that they were planting the memorial tree today. I hope that she got as much insight today as I did. And I hope we get a chance to talk about it some time. It was a shock when I got home from running some errands to find out that my neighbour’s father died yesterday. He has been sick for a while. Last summer he battled cancer and went into remission. It was a very long and stressful summer for her. She and her father were very very close. The Dr.s had given him three months this time. They had all kinds of plans for this summer. He had never visited Maine and she had just booked off three weeks to go and take him on this trip. They admitted him to the hospital to begin another round of chemo. He developed an infection, the same kind that he managed to beat last summer. Though this time his heart gave out and he couldn’t be resuscitated. My heart goes out to her. I know the shock of losing a parent so suddenly. I understand the shock she is feeling and yet I feel helpless. I never know the “right” thing to say. So I wait. I wait to see if she needs anything from us….feeding her cats, watering her plants and garden, anything little that will make things easier for her for the days that follow. The days that you are walking in a blur and unaware of the goings on around you. I was thankful that I had Jake during those days. A reason to get up and continue to function, to put on a brave face and try my hardest not to cry constantly. Ok… enough. I’m going to start crying. What else has been going on? Oh – updates of Aiden’s Escapades! He is up to 18 lbs and 27 inches. He is a tank. I have said that before but he is such a solid little man. And he is rolling over like a champ. Only from back to front, but soon he will be able to go both ways. His two bottom teeth are totally in and there are more on the way. He is such a drooler and his cheeks are permanently rosy. The only thing not so great going on with him is he has the absolutely worst diaper rash ever. It is dry and chaffed and raw. Yuck. And nothing I have been putting on it has made it better. So today I spent a fortune on a green all natural product to see if that works. I hope it does. It is all over his butt, and up front on his lower lower abdomen just above his junk. Fingers crossed that this works. Jakob told us to shut up tonight. We were driving in the car and Jason and I were having a chat and all of a sudden from the back seat we hear “shut up”. I just about drove off the road. He couldn’t tell us where he learned those words, but we were sure to tell him that we don’t use those words and they’re “naughty” words. We’ll see how that works. What else… oh, of course. Jakob has yet another ear infection. Actually it is his 13th ear infection. 13 in 2 ½ years! How ridiculous is that? I told his ped that I have hit my wall and that I need to see and ENT about this. I just don’t understand. About three ear infections ago I was asking about an ENT referral, but the ped told me that he was hitting the age that he would outgrow them and that he shouldn’t have any more. But like I said, that was three infections ago. So here we are at number 13. I have a new theory though. I am curious to know if the helmet could have re-aligned the tubes in his ears and that is why he is so susceptible to infections. Does the fluid just not have the exit needed and sits there behind the drum and get infected? The ped didn’t have an answer for that. So I am going to do some research on that before our ENT appt on the 2nd. I’ll keep you updated on my theory and Jakes progress. AND!!! – on top of it all Jakob got the croup last night. 1 am and he is barking like a seal. Lasted about an hour. Jason set up the humidifier and filled it with water and eucalyptus. It made him sleep a little easier. When I checked on him at 4 after feeding Aiden, he seemed to be breathing alright, just some wheezing and snoring. When it rains it pours, eh? Ok. That is all I can do tonight. I am uber tired and am looking forward to a good sleep. Fingers crossed that Jakob sleeps all the way through and that Aiden has a good sleep too. I don’t mind getting up with him so much as he goes right back to sleep with no worries. Jake is a lot harder to calm. Again – that is another long story. Some time I will write about the differences between these to amazing boys. Gotta end this – there is a pillow calling my name. G’night.T

Birthday Boy

Jakob is turning three next weekend. I cannot believe that he is three already. We have his party planned at Build-a-Bear. It is going to be so fun. All the children will get to make an animal of their choice, bear, dog, monkey, duck, cow, frog, dinosaur, you name it – they have it. After they all get their animals made we will go down to the food court for cake and snacks. I wish that they had a room up in the store to do the cake, but they don’t, so the food court will have to do. I don’t think we will have a problem getting the space on a Sunday afternoon. I just have to figure out how we are going to set up and make in festive. It’s my challenge. Hmmmm… I’ll figure it out. I am really looking forward to making his cake. I don’t want to say what it is quite yet – don’t want to wreck the surprise. And I am going to make cookies (of course) and probably chocolates too. As my friend J blogged, these seem to be the favours of choice these days. I think it is so much nicer than a baggie of dollar store thingys. And it will give me a chance to showcase my wares. Three years old. Where has my little baby gone? He is such a big kid now. He does things that make me sad. He no longer needs help getting undressed (though he has no interest in dressing himself), he can get himself in and out of the bathtub by himself, he helps himself to snacks and drinks from the fridge and shelves, he answers the door, and he answers the phone. The best thing these days is something I didn’t think would happen… he has an imaginary friend. He is following in his Uncle’s footsteps and has created a friend named Goo Goo. Goo Goo showed up a few days ago. He is orange, has two arms and legs, eyes, ears, mouth and nose. And he likes to hang out in the kitchen. Goo Goo has played, read books, and coloured pictures. Jakob doesn’t really talk to him. He just tells me about Goo Goo and the things they have done together. It will be interesting to see if Goo Goo hangs around or if this is a short phase.

Bragging...

I like bragging about my boys. I admit it. I do. They are great boys and I of course think they are the most amazing kids ever. As you can tell from all my posts I like to brag about all the wonderful things they can do. But what parent doesn’t like to talk about how great their kids are? We all do it. I don’t think I am a competitive parent. Maybe others see me as one, but I like to think that my bragging doesn’t make me competitive. I do like to poll my friends on parenting, when did their kids do what, when are they starting their new babies on solids, what size clothes are they wearing, who knows their alphabet when, all the important stuff. Maybe I am competitive?!? I just like to talk about my boys – I am proud of them and their accomplishments. Aiden is just starting his, but starting strong. And maybe it’s not bragging, maybe it’s just lots of love.

The Gymnast

We have a gymnast on our hands. Jakob started gymnastics this week. He and his girlfriend, Natalie, started gymnastics on Monday. It was so cute to see these two toddle off into this huge gym with their classmates. They were on their own. The mommies stayed in the “observation” room while their 3 year olds jumped, balanced, and tumbled for 45 minutes. Jakob had so much fun. I had bought him an outfit for gymnastics. Some super soft basketball shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt that matched. In the morning when I was getting him dressed, he put it on for the first time, ran his hands down his chest and said “ooohhhh…soft”. It was adorable. He loved his new outfit. Back to gymnastics – Jakob was very excited to get going. He was making his way – ok, butting in front of others – to the front of the line. He wanted to do it all, and at a very fast pace. The other students at times just were moving much to slow for him. He did a great job – watching him make his way across the balance beam with such ease made my heart swell with pride. I am so glad that we found something that he enjoys and is good at. I think his favourite part was the foam block pit. As all the other kids were easing themselves into the pit, Jake jumped off the ledge with no fear. It was super, and then he didn’t want to get out. I love it. He is such a super kid.

Time flies.....

I feel bad that it has been almost a full month since I have blogged. So much has been going on and I really have had the time, just not devoted it to blogging. I think I need to be like my other blogging friends and just find a time, the same time, everyday and write. I have a friend that is blogging with pictures… and I think it is awesome. I think she will find that she will have many more pictures this way. I also need to get out the camera more. There needs to be many more pictures of all of our kids. I cannot believe that Aiden is going to be three months old tomorrow. He is such a big boy. I have said that before, but this kid amazes me. He is super strong and has such control of his head and neck. He looks around and watches everything that goes on around him. He loves his mobiles, and the lights on his swing, and his dancing cow above him on his play mat. The cow dances to “old macdonald” and his big brother Jakob sings along to it. It is quite adorable – he says he wants to teach Aiden about the animals on the farm. I love hearing that Jakob wants to teach his little brother all the things he knows. I can remember my big brother teaching me things growing up. My mother tells me that I was a little late talking because Tim was always answering for me. Jakob is often showing Aiden things that he has, toys, books, etc. I have high hopes that these two are going to be quite good friends.

Me, three!

Jakob never ceases to amaze me. The way that his little mind works is spectacular to watch grow and grow. Jason pointed it out to me about a week ago but I hadn’t witnessed it myself until today. Our conversation today while cuddling post-nap went like this: Me: Are you happy? Jakob: Yup Me: Me, too! Jakob: Me, three! Too funny. And too cute. Apparently he has done this many times with Jason and Jakob’s Nana. I think it is quite creative of him and reasonable. Reasonable to think that if Mama is happy too/two that I could be happy three. My smart little man.He has grown up so much in the past few months. He is talking like a real person! I think that his time at daycare/”school” has increased his vocabulary and made him quite chatty. There are times that I miss my quite boy, but then I wouldn’t give up conversations like the one above for the wor1d. He can chat and chat to me all the time. And I will love every minute of it.

A long update....

It has been so long since I have been able to find the time to type out my feelings and what has been going on in our crazy little life. Life has been good to us. Everyone is healthy and happy. I haven’t had too many days where Jakob has pushed every button he could find! And now that Aiden is a little older (a whole two months now!) he is falling into a little bit of a routine and that always makes life easier. Aiden had his 2 month appointment with the pediatrician today. He sure is growing quickly. He is up to a whopping 13 lbs and has grown 5 inches and is now 24 inches long! They are happy with his progress and think he is a cutie patootie. The only thing that Dr. C mentioned that we will be watching for the next couple of months are the ridges on the side of his head. They “should” have rounded out a little more by now and not be so pronounced. I hadn’t really thought about it. With Jakob we were so concerned about the roundness of his head and the flat spot that was developing. With Aiden we have been so focused on making sure that he didn’t develop a flat spot like his big brother. Aiden has a nice round head. So hopefully that wont change and there wont be a helmet in his future. Today has been a very sleepy day for Aiden. The shots have made him groggy and sleepy. He really hasn’t been awake much today. I haven’t had to give him any Tylenol yet, and would rather not unless he really needs it. Right now he is curled up squeaking in the crook of Jason’s arm with his head on Jason’s chest. Just adorable. My mother was asking me some questions the other day about my family. She asked me if I liked being the mother of two boys, and if I was still enjoying being a stay at home mother. I didn’t hesitate to say that I love being the mother to two boys. I couldn’t imagine it being any different. I know she was asking out of curiosity. And even though we talked about my missing work sometimes, I told her that I am happy that I am doing the most important job of my life. I wouldn’t give up a day for anything. As any stay at home mom will tell you there are days that you wish you could be anywhere else but at home with your kids. I do miss my job at the nursing home, I miss teaching in Korea, and I miss working in the aromatherapy store. But I know in my heart that I would miss my boys more. The longer I can spend at home raising them and being there for them is a) what we will do, and b) the best thing I can do for them. A part of me hopes that Jason may continue to stay in the Army past his retirement date so that we might be able to rely on the paycheck, the health insurance and the stability. I want us to have the time that we both need to finish our education so that we can support our family. My obsession with cupcakes is kind of out of control. I have been doing so much research and thinking about recipes and combinations and decorations, etc..etc…etc. And I recently ordered a custom made stamp with the logo that Jason drew for me. I am dreaming about the cakes that I have coming up, the cookies that I have been asked to make for my friend Janine. Doing Natalie’s and Jakob’s cakes this month are going to be SO much fun. I get to do a girlie cake for Nat. The little princess. All pink and glittery. Its going to be super fun. And I love that Janine and Steve trust me enough to make their little girl’s cake pretty and memorable. That means a lot to me. Ok – that is the catch up for now. No – wait! I am enrolling Jakob in gymnastics. But I will write about that soon. The classes don’t start til the 17th. Can’t wait. Hope all is well with everyone – take care, be healthy and show love.

What to do, what to do...

I am excited about the spring season coming soon. I know that the groundhog says that we have six more weeks of winter, but I am an optimist. I am looking forward to days out in the fresh air and watching Jakob run around outside again. He has so much energy and it isn’t fun to watch it be bottled up during the winter months. I am finding more programs that he can participate in. Actually, I am a little overwhelmed with options. Once he turns three (March 29th) he will be able to participate in all kinds of things. He can go to daycare two days a week, recreation programs at the community center, Soccer Tots, art classes, music classes. Some are cheap, some are reasonable, and some are expensive. So how do you decide what your child will benefit from the most. I will be making some decisions based on what his friends will participate in. Taking the Movement Exploration class with his “girlfriend” at the community center for example. But then what other venue do we explore. Do I help encourage his artistic side? Do I get him involved in the sports that I know he will love? Unfortunately we have to choose. The budget does not allow for us to do it all, I wish it did, but that just isn’t the case. Jakob isn’t quite at the age and understanding that if asked he would tell me what he wants to do more. I wish he was, that way he could make the decision. So maybe the answer is to rotate. Do one session of art, then soccer, then cooking, etc, etc. I also hope that there are these options available to us wherever we move in November. It would be very sad to get him involved in something that he wouldn’t be able to continue.

can you just slow down a little please?

My boys are getting so big. I looked at them both today and was amazed at how much they have grown. Aiden is getting big. He is eating like a horse and sleeping great. I cannot wait til his two month appt so I can see how much weight he has gained. And looking at Jakob and thinking that he is turning three next month is incredible. I have booked a photo session for the family. I am going to go shopping for matching outfits next week. I think it will be so unbelievably cute. I am also thinking about “big brother” and “little brother” tshirts for some photos too. Jakob has blossomed these past few months. His vocab has increased, his coordination is developing quickly, and the ability to carry on conversations that are meaningful is amazing to me. I love the kid so much. And seeing him growing up so fast on one hand makes me sad, but on the other I see the “fruits of my labors”, and the teachings we have given him developing. But enough about that.

A Patient Pooch

My poor dog is going to bite Jake one of these days. And you know what? He will deserve it. Jakob tortures this dog. Toby gets no peace when she is in the same room with him. He teases her with food, he throws toys at her, he hangs onto her tail, and pretty much does anything he can to get a rise out of her. She puts up with a lot. But lately her patience has been getting shorter and shorter. I don’t blame her. It drives me nuts too. I feel bad for her. Today is her birthday. Toby is five today. She was given some treats for her special day. But what I wish we could give her is a day free of harassment from the boy. He doesn’t respond to punishment at all. I have put him in time outs, put him in his room alone, taken away toys and privileges, but nothing works. It isn’t fair that she gets banished to the porch or kitchen to get away from him. So the question is, what do I do to get him to leave her alone???

Tattoos - Mom, Don't read this one!

I am addicted to tattoo shows. I love watching LA Ink and Miami Ink. It inspires me. I love the colours and the artwork. And it makes me want more tattoos. I really want something to represent the “boys” in my life. I was thinking of some flowers representing them – one from each of their birth months. I was also going to include the flower for the month of June for my father, Herb. And that way I would be able to include him – I miss him everyday. Ok – so my other idea for a new tattoo is a pin-up style Hockey Mom. I always new I wanted to be a mother and I knew I wanted a boy. And now that I have my two boys I see myself as a “sports mom” in the future. And people have thought soccer mom in the mini van. I see myself as a hockey mom. Being Canadian, hockey is in my blood. And I would love to be getting up for five am practices to see my boys play the best sport ever! So that is what I am thinking about getting. And I know that if my mother is reading this she is cringing and picking up the phone to tell me I am crazy and or and idiot. But I love my tattoos. I love Jason’s tattoos. I think they are very beautiful and artistic. I don’t feel all the negative ideas about tattoos that my mother has, I feel that my generation is more accepting to tattoos. And I am not about to put it in a place that cannot be covered up. So now the only thing to figure out is where to have it done and who will do it. I would love to be able to go to LA and have Hannah do it for me. She is incredible and the pin-ups that I have seen her do on tv have been incredible. That would be so awesome.

Tubes

I think that maybe it may be time to consider putting tubes in Jakob’s ears for the rest of this season. I was hoping that we might be able to make it to the end of this “ear infection season” without another round but it doesn’t look that way. Jakob began to complain about his ears again over the weekend. He didn’t have a fever to speak of, but he was sure that something was bothering him. We went to the pediatrician this morning and he has the beginnings of an infection in his right ear. We debated waiting it out to see if it went full blown or to start antibiotics now. I figured from past infections that the wait and see approach wouldn’t work for us. We would be back there in a day or two when it got worse and then have to start the antibiotics later. I didn’t see any reason to wait – I didn’t want Jakob to be in any pain. And this way he will have a couple of days of antibiotics in his system and there will be no reason for him not to be able to go to “school”. Whooo hoo for me. I know that sounds terrible, but I really have been enjoying my days with Aiden. Not feeling guilty for holding him for hours on end and snuggling on the couch. It is so hard when Jake wants my attention and Aiden is demanding to be held or fed. So those eight hours that Jake is at school I can hang out with Aiden and run any errands that I need to run toddler free. The bonus is that Jakob loves going to school. He asks about it everyday – and is super excited when he wakes up and we tell him it’s a school day. I wish we could do more than just one day a week. Once he turns three he will be going twice a week – so until then he will just have to count the days til it’s Thursday.

My name is....

Jakob is adorable. He has learned his last name and is very proud of himself. We asked him what his name is and he said “Jakob S.” and then when we asked him who we were he responded with Daddy S. and Momma S.. And then continued with Aiden S. and Toby S. (our dog!!). It was super cute. I am happy that he can tell someone his full name if asked. I worry that if he gets lost or takes off that when someone asks him his name he wouldn’t be able to tell them his full name. But now he’s got it!! Whoo hooo! I love seeing him when he finally understands something and becomes so proud of himself. His eyes light up and the smile spreads across his face and it’s great to see that. It is also fun to see Jason get that “proud papa” look on his face. Jason is really enjoying Jakob these days. Jakob and Jason have some great conversations and are really bonding over certain activities. I know that Jason bought Jakob’s Hotwheels for Christmas more for himself than for Jakob. They are a bit old for Jakob, and a bit young for Jason. But when they play with them together there is a bond between them that is so obvious. Boys and their cars. Something I will never be able to understand or intrude on.

Damn Tomatoes

So I think that tomatoes have been the culprit of my allergies. After not having them for weeks, we had a frozen pizza for dinner and within an hour my lips were itching. No swelling, thank goodness, but the outside of my mouth is itchy. Jason made me take some Zyrtec right away. I am still itchy but not too worried about it. I am glad that I think I have found out what was making me have such a bad reaction. Though I don’t remember eating a lot of tomatoes or tomato sauce when this whole hives and allergic reactions business. Hmmm…. No more spaghetti sauce? Pizza? I hope this is a fluke thing and that it goes away. I have reintroduced all the other things that the Dr. had me remove from my diet, tomatoes were the last to be tested. So I guess for now I have an answer. I am going to wait a week or so and then try it again. And hope for the best.

Let me put you down!!

Aiden loves to be held. Especially when he is sleeping. He loves to cuddle. And so do I. I just don’t have the time to hold him all day. I want to be able to put him down for a nap and spend some time on other things. To be able to play with Jakob and not have to have Aiden in my arms would be nice. Jakob has been really patient. He has his moments, but for the most part he has been a really good big brother and waits til I am done with Aiden, whatever I am doing; changing a diaper, giving a bottle, or just getting him to settle down. Aiden is going to be a month old tomorrow. I cannot believe it. Time flies. It has been such a busy month too. With the holidays, and getting Aiden out and about, and this past week it seemed like we had something going on every day. There were appointments, having lunch with Daddy, playdates; we were busy bees. But it was great for Jakob. He got to see friends and have fun. It’s so important for him to get out and about as much as possible. He is so high energy and hates to be at home all day. So the idea of him possibly being sick again and having to be at home without seeing friends is torture. After a couple of days in the house he is an absolute pill. Anyway – back to Aiden. I can’t wait til we set a bit of a schedule of naps and work on getting him to take his naps in his bed or at least in the swing. I need him to get a little older to be able to get him into some kind of groove. I guess until then I will savour the moments that I get to cuddle with my little man and enjoy every minute of it. The time will fly by and then I will be complaining that he doesn’t want to cuddle with me at all.

Mother's Intuition

So I think that Jakob might have yet another ear infection. He was in just last Tuesday for his recheck from the last infection and the Dr. said that it was totally cleared up and all was good. But now I am thinking that he might have the beginnings of another infection. He doesn’t have a fever, he tells me that his ears do not hurt, but there is something telling me that it just isn’t right. For me, it is all about his behaviour. Last night he was up a couple of times during the night just looking for some love, today during his nap he was up half way through crying and just needing some adjusting. And he is cranky. Everything is a big deal, nothing is easy going. That makes me think that something is off with him. I have been right before. The pediatrician was surprised a couple of infections ago when I told him that it was Jakes behaviour that made me think he had an ear infection. But I was right then, and maybe I am right now. I am going to see how he is in the morning and if he is still off or has had a bad night (getting up again), then I might have to have Jason take him in to get checked out. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be right about this. The last thing I want is Jakob to have another ear infection. It seems like he is always on antibiotics during the cold and ear infection season. It worries me. He is so close to being the age that he should be outgrowing ear infections. And the season is almost over as well. So, I hope that I am wrong. Maybe he is just in a mood, or having a bad couple of days. Maybe I am overreacting. Time to take the “sit back and observe” approach.

Smiles

Is it possible that the smiles he is making are real? Or is it just gas? I know that he is so young and that at 4 weeks it might just be gas, but I am going to hold onto the idea that they are real smiles. I like the idea that he recognizes me and knows my voice and touch and that when he is looking up into my face that he is smiling because he is happy. He is such a cutie. Jakob was a cutie too. I can remember looking down at Jakob and seeing the first smile he gave me. I cannot remember when that was though. I remember crying and calling everyone I knew to tell them that Jake had smiled at me. So now that Aiden is smiling at me I want to tell everyone all over again. He smiles at me when I pick him up out of his bed, and when I feed him. I think he even smiled at me today while I wiped his bum! He has such a sweet smile too, one of those beautiful smiles that makes his very blue eyes sparkle. It looks like his eyes might turn to be the bright brilliant blue that Jakob’s are. With that darker blue ring around them, and then that fantastic blue inside. I love it.

Off to the pediatrician tomorrow

Jakob is going in for an ear recheck tomorrow. I am really hoping that the infection has cleared up and that he doesn’t need any more meds or referral to an ENT. The idea of Jakob having to have surgery to put tubes in his ears terrifies me. Especially since he is so close to the age that he should be outgrowing these continuous ear infections. I understand that it is a standard and basic operation, but I can’t imagine my little man going under the knife! I have another question for Jakob’s pediatrician tomorrow. Jakob has gotten into the habit of hitting himself in the head. And I mean hard. He is smacking himself in the head and face, and today I watched him hit himself with a toy. I have tried to tell him not to do that, and tried to get him to talk about it or tell me why he was doing it. Sometimes he laughs as if it is funny, sometimes he gets quiet and sullen and pouts, but never really tells me why he is doing it. It is one of those strange behaviours that drives me nuts. When he was younger it was the rocking in his highchair. I don’t know why but it made me crazy, totally and utterly crazy! If anyone has any idea why he might be doing this I would greatly appreciate it. It is probably just a phase and he will outgrow it or it will lose its “excitement” eventually. And the more attention I draw to it the more he will continue to do it. Ahh…the dilemmas of parenting.

Oh the joys of parenting

Oh my, what a “bad mommy day” I am having today. I don’t know why but everything is setting me off today. Jake is just being himself – though he is in the middle of a phase where he pushes buttons, my buttons. It bothers me to no end when he teases and taunts the dog. Poor Toby puts up with so much from Jakob, he pulls on her, pushes her, climbs all over her, and she just puts up with it. But then she hits her breaking point, as we all do, and will gum at him and give a little low growl. I know she would never hurt the boys, it is just her way of giving a warning that she is getting to her breaking point. At that point she wants to be let out on the porch or gated in the kitchen where Jake can’t get near her. Ok, back to today. I lost it several times with Jake. I hate raising my voice to him. I have sworn over and over again that I wouldn’t be “that” kind of mother. I want to be the kind that talks things out with their children and uses gentle tones and doesn’t snap at her children. I don’t ever want my boys to be afraid of me or to cringe when I raise my voice. It breaks my heart when I catch myself raising my voice to Jake. And then I hate myself for the rest of the day, which makes me wish we could just start the day all over again. Today I tried to make up for fighting with him (yes I fought with my three year old son over a pb&j sandwich) by making cookies with him later in the day. He didn’t seem phased by what had occurred earlier in the day….or so I would like to think. We had a good afternoon. But maybe I just want to think that he wasn’t phased by it. In my mind I know that it has affected him. I see it when he raises his voice to me, or mimics my actions. This is not what I want. And know I need to make the changes to change things now. I need the patience to deal with things in a manner that is more in tune with the parenting I want to do with my boys and not fall into the pattern of losing my cool any more. I am learning the struggle of keeping the balance of giving the two boys both the attention they need at the same time. Today Jakob needed my attention while I was feeding a very fussy Aiden (I think he is having gas issues) and when I couldn’t give him what he needed he began to act out. Jake is a smart little man. So now the juggling act begins. Working on being able to “do it all”. My goal is to teach Jakob more patience than he currently has. I know he gets that from his dad – Jason needs to work on his patience too. But if I can be creative and work on distracting Jakob until I can get to him and get to his needs then maybe he can learn to be patient while I am caring for or have my hands full with Aiden. Anyone have any tips on that??

An Aiden Update

Thank goodness Aiden’s acne is almost gone. My cutie patootie is almost back to normal. I know it can come back, and that will be ok if it does. But I’ll hope everyday that it doesn’t. Jason and I were talking today about how cute Aiden is (of course), and I made the comment of how amazing it is that the same sets of genes can create two quite different looking babies. I was looking at pics of Jake when he was born and those first few weeks and they look so different. At least to me they do. They look different, sound different, little things make them cranky differently, they sleep differently. I love it. It is a whole new and exciting adventure with this little man. I am so excited about it too. We are starting to get to know each other and even though he is only just over two weeks he seems to have a bit of a routine down. Aiden is still only getting up twice a night. I almost look forward to it. And I stress the almost – I do love my sleep. But Aiden is so sweet in the middle of the night. Once I get past the squeaking and squawking while I change his little butt, then comes the snuggle time. Aiden likes to hold my hand while I feed him. He puts his little hand on mine as I hold the bottle. Sometimes he coos as he drinks, but most of the time he just guzzles it. Then all I do is try to get him to go back to sleep. Which he usually has no trouble doing, just a quick re-swaddle and a little rocking and then back in his bed. But then we have the times when he decides he wants to stay awake and gaze into my eyes whilst squeaking and holding hands. Even though I am losing out on sleep during those times, I love it, just him and me and the “soft” snoring of Jason and the dog. The bonding time, that’s what I call it. He and I are becoming good friends. I have been doing my best to keep Jakob and his germs away from Aiden. So far, so good. Jakob has been getting better. His tuberculosis cough is almost gone and the antibiotics should be just about done taking care of his ear infection. I really wish that I could get him to be consistent in covering his mouth when he coughs. I am getting super tired of telling him to cover his mouth!

Infection Control

How do you keep a sick toddler from sneezing and coughing all over their little newborn brother? Jakob is sick again. His cough is loud and chunky, he has an ear infection in one ear (thank goodness it isn’t a double again), and now the nose is running too! And for the life of me I cannot get him to cover his mouth while he coughs. Oh, and did I mention the diarrhea that he has from the antibiotics? Yuck. Jakob is still loving being a big brother. He wants to say good morning and check on him, he is singing to Aiden throughout the day, he tells me when he cries and that he is hungry, and he gives Aiden a kiss on the head when he goes to sleep at night. It is adorable, don’t get me wrong, but right now I wish I could put Aiden in a bubble and keep him away from Jakob’s evil germs! I really don’t want Aiden to get this cold. It would not be pretty! Aiden has his own issues right now too. Along with the baby acne, he has a goopy eye. The Dr. says it might be a blocked tear duct and we are applying an antibiotic cream into his little eye three times a day. It seems to irritate him quite a bit too. It waters for a long time afterwards. Poor little man.

Where oh where has my little cutie gone??

My baby boy has turned into a teenager going through puberty!! What is it about this thing called “baby acne” that makes me so crazy?!?! I hate it. Aiden is breaking out all over his face. He has a red strip across his cheeks and his forehead changes from bumpy to dry and flaky. And I hate that there is nothing I can do but wait. Arg! Of course as a mom I can look past it and still see my beautiful baby but it bugs the heck out of me. Superficial I know, I just want my cutie patootie back. Jakob had some acne after a couple of weeks too, but not as bad as Aiden’s. I am trying my best to remember how long it lasts. Anyone remember? It wont be soon enough as far as I am concerned. Hey, maybe we need to invent some “Clearasil for babies”. Anybody related to a chemist? We could make a fortune!