Time Outs

The question of the day. We have done time outs for a long time. But I have always questioned whether or not they work. What is Jakob learning from it? Does it really make him not want to re-offend? I get frustrated doing time outs. Listening to him cry and scream uncontrollably makes it hard for me to think that he is learning anything from it, except that I leave him there to cry for several minutes and tell him he has to stay there until he stops crying. Which makes me feel even worse. Jakob is like me, like I use to be when I was little, I would cry and cry until I make myself sick. So does having him sit to the side out of sight screaming like that help him learn what he has done was wrong? Arg! What to do, what to do? Friends are going through the same thing. Starting time outs with Nathan. And wondering the same things – do they work? There are certain behaviours that Jakob has that have to change. I cannot take the hitting, the whining, the abuse of the dog, the throwing of toys, the not sharing, and of course the talking back. I have been trying my best to not lose my cool with him. It ‘s hard. I feel like I am trying to keep all my balls in the air and juggle the best I can. But there are times when I just don’t have it in me and I drop a few. And I feel like Jake is always feeling the brunt of it. So when it comes time to “punish” him, I feel bad/guilty. And I feel frustrated because the crimes are always the same. He doesn’t seem to be learning from them. So what do I do? How do I get him to understand what the time outs are for? Or is it time to take things away? Does he really love something enough to have it taken away? Besides the TV? And sometimes taking the TV away from him is just as much a punishment for me! Hate to admit it, but you know its true. I was reading my friend J’s blog today and stumbled across a posting that I missed from a few days ago. It spoke to me. I really don’t want Jakob and Aiden to be afraid of me. I don’t want them to learn by fear. I never want them to flinch or be scared of me. I want them to learn by love. So it is time to reset myself and get back to what I call “emotional parenting”. It is important for me to watch Jakob’s emotions and work off of them. It worked for me before. And then I got lazy. I got tired at the end of my pregnancy and then having two. Another day I will explain emotional parenting. I read a lot of parenting books. I really want to be the best parent I can, I want Jason and I to be the best parents we can be. On a side note about time outs – I put my friends little boy in time out today. I was watching Natalie and Nathan for a few hours and Nathan was out of control. He hits and throws to get attention from the older kids. Nat and Jake were ignoring him and he wanted to play with them. He hit a few times, got a few warnings, and then threw a couple of big cars at Jakob. So off to time out he went. He didn’t really understand what I was doing, it is new to him. He stayed on the mat for a few seconds and then toddled off. I put him back on a few times, and eventually he stayed there for his time and then said sorry to Jake. So maybe he did get it. Who knows… will we ever know if it works?