My Parenting Epiphanies

Ok, so I have been thinking a lot about what kind of parent I am. Those of you who know me, know that I “obsess” about this a lot. I don’t mean to. I just can’t help it. So these days I am realizing that I am a better parent in public. That sounds horrible right? And it is. I hold it together more when someone else is watching and listening to me. I have more patience out and about. I try harder when I am around other mothers and their children. I am a competitive parent. I want my child to be the best, I want them to be the smartest, friendliest, most well behaved child wherever we are and whomever we are with. And I want the other mothers to think that I am a great mother, that I have it all together. I know that I am a good mother. I know that I have great children. Jakob certainly isn’t the most well behaved. I am not the most patient. Aiden isn’t the best sleeper during the day, he throws fits and cries for no reason. I rock him and say “stop it, stop it” as my mantra to calm him instead of “shhh…it’s alright”. It’s hard to admit this. But it is therapeutic to type it and get it out. And those friends that read this blog are supportive and share many of my neurosis and worries. So here I lay my concerns and guilt for those to read and comment. I am NOT perfect. And I think I am a better parent for it. Jakob and Aiden will be better people learning from my mistakes and be stronger going through life together feeling it all out.